The Mental Hospital

Six

  Sadie shakes me awake. "Forest. Forest, wake up. Forest." She pesters. When I open my eyes, she is not a blob. She is just Sadie. I don't feel completely like shit. I sit up and clear my throat. "I'm a screwup." I say. Sadie's eyes soften. "No, you're not," Sadie says.

"You're awesome." She smiles at me. I frown. I bet I look disgusting. I look like shit. I feel like shit. I am shit. "Look," Sadie says. "You only have a little bit of time before the nurse comes back with your meds. Let's go say hi to our friends." I get out of bed and realize someone changed my clothes. I'm wearing my black pajama shorts and a worn out tee shirt. My bandages have been changed. I instantly want to change. My body is horrid-looking. I am pale and bony, but I plead silently. No one hears me. I'm barefoot as Sadie pushes me into another room.

"This is Taylor's room. You remember Taylor, right?" I nod. All of Sadie's friends come to hug me and ask if I'm okay. I shrug. I cross my arms and sort of hug myself. It's kind of comforting. Jake's eyes land on me. It's like he's burning holes into my chest. I avert my eyes and let my hair fall into my face. A nurse comes in. "Ms. Carter, there you are." My so-called friends ask, "Carter? Who's Carter?" And I reply, "It's my last name." The nurse grabs my arm and pulls me away. I can feel the burning holes. They're in my back this time. I can feel silent tears make their way down my cheeks. Here I am, a sixteen-year-old girl crying like she's two. Words cannot describe how awful I feel.

I hear Sadie and Jake follow after us. I turn around and mouth for them to leave. They ignore me and continue to follow me. The nurse leads me into an office. Sadie and Jake are eavesdropping outside.

I look at my surroundings. The office is painted a blue-grey color, and all of the furniture is black and silver. I suppose that the rooms are supposed to be comforting, but I am in no way comfortable.

"Forest, I need you to answer me honestly. Do you want to hurt yourself?" She asks. I wipe my eyes. I'm shaking. My body knew before my brain did, but I am terrified. Of what though? Dying? Being drugged? I don't understand.

"No." I lie.

The nurse sees right through this. I read the name tag on her uniform. It reads Melinda. "I've heard that one before. Then what do you want, Forest?" Melinda asks. "I-I wanna g-get o-o-out of here." I stumble over my words.

Melinda raises an eyebrow at me. "You didn't know?" What? Know what? I ask her just that. "You've attempted suicide four times. You're going to be here for a while, hon. You should get comfortable." My lip quivers.

"This isn't fair." I sob. My entire body is shaking. I am made of Jell-O. "Life isn't fair, honey. I'm sorry." I continue to sob as she takes me back to my room. Sadie and Jake are there, giving me sympathetic looks. The nurse gives me pills and explains what each one is. "This one is a mood stabilizer, this one's an anti-depressant, and that one's an anti-anxiety." She dumps the pills into my hand and hands me a plastic cup of water.

I take the pills and then hand her the cup back. She leaves. I sit on my bed with my head in my hands. "Why are you two so nosy?" I say after a few minutes of silence. They shrug. "I guess we wanted to make sure you were okay." Sadie says. Jake says that Sadie made him follow her.

I roll my eyes. "I think I'm just gonna stay in here today. I need to think some things over." I say. Jake and Sadie nod.

It was about noon. That meant I had almost the whole day to sulk and plan my suicide.