The Mental Hospital

Four

I hate this place.

It's group therapy time, and I'm sitting next to Taylor. The nurse stands up. "Okay everyone. I'm Dr. Adams. Today, we have a new patient. Everyone give a warm welcome to Forest Carter." There is a light applaud toward me. "So, Forest. Since you don't really know everyone here, we're going to share our stories with you. Alex, why don't you go first?" He says.

Alex stands and puts his hands in his pockets. "Uh, well." He cleared his throat. "It was a suicide attempt. My boyfriend cheated on me, and I just really didn't want to feel anything. I, uh...tried to overdose. But, that was about a month ago, and I feel really better now. Doc says I might be out in a couple days." He nods and then sits.

Jenna's next. "Hi. I'm Jenna. I'm sixteen. When I was fifteen, I was diagnosed with major depression. I started to self-harm with a lighter, and I couldn't stop. It got so bad that I had to go to the hospital. I told the doctors that the burns were self-inflicted. Now I'm here." She sits.

Then it's Sadie. She stands. "Hey. I'm Sadie. I'm fifteen. A couple weeks ago, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. It started when a girl at school called me fat, and I believed her. I started to starve myself and cut my thighs. I'm doing alright, I guess. I'm really close to having an average weight. I'm hoping I'll go home in the matter of two weeks. I just have to gain some more weight." She sits.

Then Taylor. He groans before getting up. "Major depression. I'm seventeen. I'm Taylor." His words are all over the place. "My dad died, so I started smoking weed. I think that's why I'm here." He shrugs, then sits. Dr. Adams frowns at him.

Amanda. "I'm Amanda. I-I have schizophrenia. And..yeah." She sits. 

Then Jake. He shrugged. "I'm Jake. I was self-harming since I was twelve. I was getting bullied at school. It got really bad. I was going to hang myself, but my sister caught me before I could do anything. I'm not alright, actually. Uh, I've been feeling really down lately. Lots of anxiety. I just wanna get out of here. And I know the only way to do that is to be better. And I'm trying. I am. But it's hard when there's so much to be sad about." Dr. Adams nods. "Make sure you mention this to your personal counselor." And with that, it's my turn.

I sigh and get up as Jake sits. I do everything but make eye contact. I play with my fingers. I look at my feet. I stare at the walls. "I'm Forest. I'm depressed. Uhm, yesterday morning I tried to kill myself." I gestured to the blood-soaked bandages on my arms. "I've self-harmed since I was fourteen. I'm sixteen now. I've tried to kill myself..." I counted in my head. "About four times." Before I could finish, someone interrupted. "Four times?" They asked. "Yeah, four times. Maybe next time I'll get it right." I said, making the room go dead silent. Dr.Adams stood up. "Forest, may we speak outside?" He walked outside as if it wasn't an option. I shrugged and followed.

The doors were transparent glass, so you could see through them. The kids inside watched as I shrugged and moved my mouth, saying,'I want to die. I have nothing to live for.' Then they watch as Dr. Adams moves his mouth, saying that I have to come with him to fill out papers for a suicide watch. A suicide watch is when you're on twenty-four hour surveillance by a nurse to make sure you don't do anything stupid. Then they watch as I refuse. Then they watch as Dr. Adams grabs my arm. Then they watch as I snatch my arm away. Then, they watch as he grabs my waist, throwing me over his shoulder. This they hear. "No! No, you don't understand! Help! Help! Anyone! I need to die!"

And it's like I am watching with them. Watching as more nurses emerge and help. Watching as they inject some sort of medicine that knocks Forest out almost instantly. Watching as her desperate sobs become silent. Watching a human being break from the inside.