The Mental Hospital

Three

"So, the rules are simple. No fighting. Curfew is ten o' clock. So sexual activity. You have to eat, otherwise the nurses take points off. You have to take your meds if you need them. No running. And, that's it. We have breakfast from nine-thirty to ten-thirty, lunch from noon to one, one-on-one counseling from two to three in room 203, group therapy from three to four in 206, and dinner from five to six, and media from seven to nine in room 219."

Sadie explained on our way to the cafeteria. Once we got there, I realize how hungry I was. They had everything. And I mean everything. Oatmeal, cereal, eggs, bacon, toast, bagels. We got in line and then Sadie abandoned me to go meet with her friends.

I am not in the mood to meet people. I bite my nails and look at my beat up Converse. The line moves slowly along and I think. I think about how I would kill myself when I get out. Sweet relief at last.

I grab a bagel with cream cheese and a bottle of water and find Sadie. She's sitting with three boys and two girls.

"Guys! This is Forest! She came in last night." Sadie squeaks. I sit next to her as she introduces everyone. The first guy is Taylor, a 90's grunge boy dressed in a Nirvana shirt and a jean jacket with the white Adidas with black stripes. He's got brown eyes and curly brown hair. He flashes the peace sign to me. Next is Amanda, a short girl with Long black hair and Asian features. She waves. Then there's Alex. A black-haired emo boy dressed in skinnys and a Slipknot shirt. He smirks at me. Jenna. A pink haired goth girl who's all cuddled up to Alex. Lastly, Jake. An emo boy with blue hair and hazel eyes. He's dressed in black skinnys and a black hoodie. He smiles genuinely at me.

I notice the details. The way Jenna is clinging to Alex as if her life depends on it. And maybe it does. I notice the way Taylor moves his long hair out of his eyes. I notice the way Amanda constantly darts her eyes around. I notice the way Alex takes his time with everything.

"Forest? Forest!" Sadie brings me back to reality. "Huh? What?" I ask. "You were staring into space for five minutes." She says. "Oh. Sorry." I say, and begin to eat the first half of my bagel. "I like your hair," Jenna says. I have brown hair that goes just to my shoulders.

"Thanks," I say. "Same to you." She self-consciously plays with her hair. Jake is sitting across from me, and he taps my arm. "What are you in for?" He askes, getting straight to the point. "I--uh--I tried to kill myself. Multiple times. I'm just depressed, I guess. I don't want to be here." He nodded. "Yeah. I know how you feel. I was in the same spot as you. Started self-harming at twelve. Did it for a couple years. No avail. I tried to hang myself, and just when I finished tying the noose my sister walked in on me." I nod, finishing my bagel. "Yeah. Life sucks. This world sucks. We're all better off dead." I gulp my water before biting my nails. Then I get up and throw my garbage out, and then come back.

Jake is looking at me. "Is that how you see the world?" He asks. I nod. "Everyone talks about the beauty of life. The truth is, only some can see that beauty. Others are unlucky. Stuck, even--all they can see is the downside of things. I can only see the downside."