The Mental Hospital

Twelve

  I walk out of my room to see a crowd of people forming. They'd probably heard our screaming match and became nosy. My makeup is smudged and my cheeks are bright red.

A nurse rushes towards me. "Did she hurt you? Are you okay?" I shake my head. "I'm fine." And I walk to the media room. I'm softly banging my head against a table when Jake sit next to me. "What happened?" He asks.

"I was just speaking my mind, saying how shitty I see myself and she just kept lying to me; saying I'm pretty a-and 'nice to be around'. Then she got mad when I kept protesting. She told me she wished I could see myself how she saw me. She tried to kiss me, and I rejected her, saying I didn't want to end up like Taylor and she started screaming at me and then she k-kissed me and told me she loved me. Then I yelled at her, saying she can't love me after knowing me for three days. Because it's true--you can't. You just can't. I don't know if I'm wrong in this situation. But even when I do get out of here, I don't wanna be with her. I can't deal with a bipolar person. I know how selfish that sounds, but I can't deal with the mood swings and such. I don't even know if I'm stable enough to be in a relationship." I sigh.

"That's the most I've heard you say at once," Jake laughs. I blush. "Sorry. I'm kind off aggravated right now." His smile dies down to a smirk. "No, it's fine. I like hearing you talk." I mentally shrug and say, "Okay."

***

It's time to line up for our medication. Alex has left already. I'm standing in line with Jake behind me and Taylor in front. He's a mess. He's been crying all day and I assume he will all night. I don't feel bad; it's his fault for falling in love with someone in a mental facility. I mean, seriously.

Taylor mumbles, "Fuck this shit," and gets out of line, walking towards the door. Jake grabs his arm. "Woah, there, tiger. You need your meds. What are you doing?" Taylor isn't happy about this. "I don't need them. I hate taking pills. They make me feel so numb. I just want to be..myself, you know? Those pills make me feel like someone else." Jake raises an eyebrow. "It's actually the exact opposite, buddy." The line moves up. "The pills make you yourself. Without them, you act crazy." Taylor shakes his head. "I'm not taking them." His eyes well with tears. "C'mon. It's gonna be fine."
***

I lay in bed, listening to Jake snore softly. I think about everything that is wrong. "My mother is insane," I say. "People at school do not like me. I am not good at anything. I hurt people. I am sadistic. I do not deal with my feelings the right way. My childhood was messed up. My life is going nowhere. I'm going nowhere."

I whisper the last part. I get up and nudge Jake. He doesn't budge. I nudge him harder and he bolts up. "Wh--huh?" He says. "Jake, how do I be happy?" I ask. He rubs his eyes. "Forest, what time is it?" He says. "Three. Now, how do I be happy? What is there to be happy about? Can you just be happy, or do you have to do a bunch of stuff to make yourself happy?"

Jake looks at me like I'm crazy. "Forest, go back to sleep. We can talk about this tomarrow." His voice is groggy. "No. I need to know now." He groans and sits up. His hair is sticking up in weird places. He rests his back against the wall.

"Why are you even up?" He mumbles. "I couldn't sleep," I say. "Happiness?" He rubs his eyes. "Well, you have to find happiness naturally. I can tell those mood boosters are working, since you're seeking help. Anyway, you just gotta find everything that's good in your life, and not everything that's bad." Jake says.

I nod. But I do not understand.