Helena | Loki's Daughter |

Dick Jokes

Dedicated to my bae, The Alabama to my Hawaii, the vagina pun to my dick joke. My lovely sister InvisibleRogue for writing one of the characters!

Hakuna matata

xJesusdoesyoga

***

"I'm just going to take some blood okay?" The doctor told me and prepared a needle. 

"Sure." I mumbled and continued reading my book. I have had to go to these check ups every week, just to make sure that everything is okay. So I know the drill.  I held out my arm and flipped the page over while balancing the book on my leg. Sadly it fell off it and went under the curtain to the next bed.  "Fuck, can I go get my book?"

"When I'm done Helena." She answered. I didn't like the doctor at all. First of all because she chose to be the person that pokes me with needles, second of all because she's just a bitch. I sighed, and made sure she heard it, and waited until she was done. She walked away to the quick lab, a special lab that Tony and Bruce designed to run quicker than other labs. The tests are not as thorough but do the trick in my case. I looked over at where my book fell, when I noticed that I couldn't see it anymore. Someone must've picked it up. 

"Hey can I have my book back?" I asked nicely and slightly annoyed. I heard footsteps coming my way and a guy wearing a weird suit peeked his head around the corner of the screen. Now don't get me wrong, I see plenty of people wearing the weirdest kinds of suits ( I'm referring to Natasha, there is absolutely no need for your bodysuit to be so skin tight.) but I've never seen this before. Generally S.H.I.E.L.D. tries to avoid a mask that takes up the entire face, with flying exceptions like Tony. But this man's suit was red and black and very tight. 

"What?" he mocked as he flipped through the pages "No pictures?" he looked up.

"Well I'm not a child." I answered and grasped the book out of his hands.

 "I didn't knew S.H.I.E.L.D. also recruited children, I suddenly don't feel so special anymore."

"I'm not recruited, I was born here." I answered.

"Deadpool." He said made a bow. I hopped down the examination table and walked over to him.

"Helena." I responded and eyed the two blades on his back. "You know kids aren't allowed to play with swords." 

"Ooh!" he chimed while he dramatically placed his hands against either side of his face "Are you gonna tattletale on me?"

"Not if you let me hold it." I tried. They looked so badass! and Natasha never let me even near one of her blades. 

"It's because they're so large and shiny isn't it?" he said as he unsheathed them a bit to close and careless for my liking, "It's not my only large and shiny thing that I own you know." 

Someone cleared their throat nearby us, I looked up and saw Steve standing there looking disgusted. 

"No one's touching anything." He tried saying with a straight face. It turned a light shade of pink as he realized how bad that sounded. 

"You wanna keep it all for yourself? Yeah, I get that." he said as he waved his hands around his skintight suit "I mean, I'm quite the lover-"

"Ew!" I exclaimed with a disgusted look on my face as the image of them was branded in my memory forever.

"Hey I don't discriminate. I'm all up for some hot steamy-"

"Language!" Steve frantically interrupted.

"OH!" Deadpool exclaimed as he jumped up and down like a little schoolgirl "You're Captain America! Yeah I tried the Captain thing, it didn't really work."

"I wonder why." Steve sarcastically said.  

"And what are your powers, Deadpool?" I asked. 

"Immortality, great ass, I'm pretty good at fighting too." He listed. I laughed until I saw Steve looking over at me with an eyebrow raised. 

"It was nice to meet you." I said to Deadpool and followed Steve to the cafeteria.