Our biology project proceeded slowly, at snail's pace. My thoughts were distracted, and I had emotions mixed all together inside of me. The mention of the party had reminded me of Jared. Jared had reminded me that I had a boyfriend. This classified what I was doing with Ian as cheating. Did I want to break up with Jared? No, not really. It was almost like the world in which Ian existed was on a completely different parallel from the one containing Jared. It was safer, freer, easier to act and not be acted upon.
"You okay?" asked Ian, putting his head on my shoulder in a very sweet manner. I looked at the project. He had almost finished the basic drawing lay out. Although I was definitely talented in many ways, drawing did not happen to be one of them. For Ian, however, this was not the case. The colors he'd chosen for the title and writing coupled with the drawings of the cells were perfectly matching, and the cell drawings themselves could be considered better than the book's.
"Wow," I said, "You've done so much work. It's amazing. I am definitely writing the entire written report." I was slightly awed and ashamed. Ashamed both at the facts that I was cheating on Jared and leading Ian on and that I hadn't done any work.
Ian smiled and said, "Then we're done." Putting his arms around my waist he whispered into my ear, "We've still got a couple of hours left, what do you want to do?" My body felt like leaning into him, giving in; but my guilty conscience won over.
I pushed him away. "Ian we can't do this," I said, slowly, sadly. My heart was breaking at the sight of his face going from confused to hurt to stiff and then closed. His eyes bored into mine. "I have a boyfriend, and cheating is cheating, no matter what the situation is," I finished.
Ian stood up. He was behaving in an indifferent manner towards me. He was hurt, and he was hiding it like he'd had to over the years. "Maybe I should go then."
I wanted to stop him, but my better judgement overruled it. "Maybe you should, for now," I said. "Thanks for coming over to work on the project."
"Yeah, just email me your report and I'll read over it. Bye," he said in a formal tone he'd never used with me before. He put on his jacket and quickly left. I stood at the door, with it wide open, finally letting the slow stream of tears fall at his pain. I needed to do something. It was 6 and the party was in three hours. I'd see Ian there. I could fix whatever had gone wrong. I'd never felt this way about anyone. It was different. There were no barriers, no maneuvering to win, no having to work to keep him, no secrets; there was only love.
I walked upstairs to devise a plan. There was only one solution to all of this. I'd have to break up with Jared or have him break up with me. Now, how could I accomplish this? I stripped off my clothes and got into the shower. I let the hot water fall down onto my body, calming myself down and allowing me to think.
Okay, so Jared picks me up at nine. I go to the party with him. He gets drunk. He cheats. I dump him very publicly. Ian sees. I apologize to Ian. We live happily ever after. Right? Yeah, that'll work. Right? Right?!? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Ian will understand.
I got out of the shower. Plan ready...and completely unsure about everything. Dried my hair and slapped on some make-up. I changed into a strapless navy blue shirt that cinched at the waist then fanned out with silver lining. Then, I pulled on a pair of light blue stone-washed Abercrombie jeans and a jacket to match. I heard a honk outside just as I was putting on my Sperrys. I hadn't felt like dressing up. I grabbed my phone, put on my earrings, and ran down the stairs. Time to face the challenge.
I ran down my steps to Jared's truck. "Hey," I said, getting in. "Hey, looking hot babe," he said. Had he NOT figured out by now that you shouldn't say that to a girl. It does NOT make her feel pretty. More like a slut. "Um okay, so who's party is it?" I asked.
"Uhh...I'm pretty sure his name is uh Danny? Or something like that. Whatever, the party is gonna rock. Everyone's going." Pathetic, he didn't even know the guys name. Stop it Ashlyn. Neither do you and you're going too. "okay," I said. Jared pitched into a long ramble about the football team. I sighed. I forget now why we were ever together. We didn't like the same things. Jared was into sports and took enough care of his grades to get a football scholarship for college. His life was pretty much swallowed up in sports, school, parties, service hours for college-volunteering to coach and talk with a team of 8 year olds from unstable families-admittedly sweet; he did love the kids, but we still didn't have anything in common. He was a great guy, just not one I could work with. I was starting to realize that now.
Jared stopped talking. I looked up to see an enormous house lit brightly with a bunch of teenagers lounging around. Jared opened the door to the car to let me out, and we walked in. We entered the house and our group immediately rushed over to us. Hey Ben, Isaac, Caroline, Jenna...and so on. "Where's Izzie?" I asked. I needed to talk to Isabella, I just needed to talk to her. Ben jutted his beer bottle towards the couch where Izzie was making out with a guy with brown hair in a black leather jacket. I could tell she was completely wasted. She had a beer bottle in one hand and her other arm and a leg wrapped around the guy. He actually looked pretty hot from behind, but I couldn't tell who he was. I should probably leave her alone. I scanned the room, searching for Ian, subconsciously.
"Hey, let's dance before I get drunk darling," said Jared. I let him grab my hand and drag me to the center of the room to dance. He put his arms around my waste and I swayed against him to the music and started to get into it. We danced for a really long time, and I began to have a good time.
"Jared..I..need..to..get a drink," I said breathlessly, tired and sweaty from dancing. I had taken my jacket off and hid it in Jared's car. Lord knows what drunk bitch would've taken it otherwise.
I walked away from the dance floor to the kitchen. I grabbed my third beer. I was getting drunk, and I liked it. I started stumbling back to Jared.
On my way back I bumped into Izzie and the guy that she'd been making out with earlier making their way to a bedroom. Go figure. Izzie stopped to wave at me, naïve as always. And the guy turned around for a brief glance at my face.
Time stopped for the nanosecond we stared at eachother. Both of our faces probably shocked beyond reason. Dammit. I never thought that I could feel so many things when I was drunk. My drunk, slurred body was used to reverting to animal instincts, but now I was seeing more clearly and perceptively than I ever had. The shock of emotions on his face, and picturing them reflected on my own.
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Guys! Vote!!! And Comment!! And just read! Omigosh hope you like it!! Sorry it's been FOREVER since I last posted. I just had a whole bunch of junk going on.
