❛ now daryl, daryl was gray. he always seemed to be bitter and emotionless with no other dimensions to himself; his mere presence was the only one. gray was intriguing, almost acting like an acquired taste, but it had the potential to be beautiful t...
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sixty.
"Why're you leaving again," I sighed as I held Daryl's hands in mine. "You just got back and I wanted to spend time with you. I haven't seen you in days!"
"Aften, I have to go," he told me, tucking my hair behind my ear. "They need me."
"Well then I'm coming with too! I'm sure y'all could use an extra hand in whatever it is you're doing," I said defiantly. "No one ever complains about extra help around here, plus I'm literally one of the recruiters. Remember?"
"I know, but I think it's better for you to stay inside the walls for right now," Daryl whispered sternly, lightly squeezing my hand.
"Daryl, the last time I went with you and Aaron was almost three months ago! Just let me go with you," I impatiently demanded. "I wanna be with you. I can't stand being away from you any longer. You scared the fuck outta me that last time. I thought you were never coming back."
"No, Aften, I'm sorry. I want ya to be safe and that last run just took a little longer than usual. We didn't know it'd take that long. Trust me, I wanna be with you too right now and I wouldn't go if they didn't need me there, but shit's gotta get done and they're countin' on me," Daryl finished, kissing my hand and then my cheek. "I love you, okay?" I sighed with disappointment.
"I love you too," I told him quietly as he left my side, climbing into the RV. Carl came up next to me with Judith in his arms once he saw Daryl leave my side. I watched the RV as it rolled away through the gates, sadness pinging in my stomach.
"Daryl's right. It's safer staying back here instead of going out there and risking your life, especially now with all those freaks lurking around," Carl spoke up. "You could help watch Judith with me if you want. Carol usually helps, but she just went with them so I won't have any help."
"I can help you out," I nodded, following Carl back to the house as Judith reached for me half the way there. I took her into my arms, a smile on my face. I hadn't held her since the prison. Since then she'd grown so much and gotten so heavy; I forgot how heavy kids could be. Carl and I sat on the carpeted floor of the living room across from each other with Judith sitting in the middle of us, playing with a red plastic cup. She dropped it and I picked it back up for her, setting it in her pudgy little hands. She smiled up at me, shaking it around. "How old is she now," I asked, resting my chin on my knee as I watched her play.
"Almost a year," Carl responded. I couldn't believe it had been that long. Time flew by so fast even in this wretched world. I could remember how I felt on Penny's ninth birthday; I was in such disbelief of how old she'd became. All I could think about now was baby Penny. It made my heart ache with longing for one last conversation with her, one last hug. I wonder what she would've looked like if she was still alive today, how she would've adjusted, how she would've loved Carol and the others. Daryl probably would've treated her like she was one of his own.
"Really? A year? Feels like she's older than that," I admitted. It feels like forever ago since we were at the prison, since my dad had died.
"I'm just wondering when she's gonna walk," Carl wondered. "When is she supposed to do that anyway? I don't know how old you have to be to start walking."
"She'll start walking soon, don't worry. She's around the right age. My sister started walking a little after she was one."
"What was her name? I don't think you ever told me," Carl said. I was caught off guard by his interest in her. It always made me sad to talk about Penny since she was long gone but it also made me happy because she was my best friend.
"Penny," I grinned. "Her name was Penny and she was in middle school when the outbreak started. She was awesome and she was so funny."
"How'd she die?"
"She got bit," I revealed, sighing and chewing on my lip. "And it sucked so bad. If I knew then what I did now, that you could cut off the bitten arm or leg and be okay, things might've been different. I don't know if I could've done that to her though. She was so small and she probably would've lost too much blood."
"I'm sorry," Carl whispered with sympathy. "I wish I could've met her."
"Thank you," I muttered back, a small smile on my face. "I wish you guys could've met her too." Judith gazed up at me, a smile on her face. She held the cup out to me and I took it from her. "Oh my gosh, thank you! Thank you so much," I told her in a baby voice. I tossed it around in my hands for a few minutes before giving it back to her. Judith turned around and looked at Carl, whimpering, after she'd taken the cup. He had a solemn look on his face. "I think she can sense our sadness," I observed, letting out a small life. Carl gave me a weak smile. I focused on the gauze over his eye. "You okay?"
"Yeah, it's just my eye stings a little today." He scratched his head, scrunching up his face as he did so.
"Can I see it," I accidentally blurted out. You stupid bitch. What are you thinking? "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. You don't have to show me. I'm just being nosy, I'm sorry. Just ignore me." I nervously tucked my hair behind my ear, secretly hoping he'd choose to show me it. I wondered what it looked like, if it still caused him immense pain even after it's somewhat healed, what life was like with only one eye; I had never dared to ask my dad. Why would I? He could rot in hell and suffer with it for all I cared. Carl slowly lifted up his eyepatch and my breath hitched in my throat as I braced myself for what I was about to see. The immediate skin was red, but the surrounding looked a healthy pink. I got on my knees and leaned over Judith to get a closer look. It truly was fascinating. It looked so much more different from what I briefly saw of my dad's.
"I forgive you," Carl admitted as I observed his eyes, breaking the silence. His sudden statement caught me off guard.
"You... you heard me," I asked, whispering. He nodded in response. I sat back down in my spot.
"Look, I deserved it. I was stupid and I made assumptions and I was jealous and so angry that I couldn't stop talking and... and I hurt you," Carl muttered. "Hurting someone you care about is probably the worst thing you can do especially if it's something you don't know shit about."
"I forgive you," I said, nodding. Carl was baffled that I accepted his apology. He started to blush and stutter like I was gonna fight him on it or something, but doing something like that was far behind me. I laughed a little bit and decided to break the awkwardness. "I just remembered I have to do something for Carol," I muttered a lie, rising to my feet to end his embarrassment. "She told me this morning and I completely forgot with everyone leaving and all."
"Oh, okay," Carl shifted his focus to the ground. I hurried into the kitchen, pulled out a few random things from the cupboard and hid myself from view. Carl was a sweet kid and I was proud at how far he'd come.
