Unanswered - Ashton Irwin Fanfiction

Letter 1

Ashton sat, staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him and tapping his pen as he searched for a way to begin. "Write what you feel or what you think," Anne had told him. He regretted agreeing to this idea. How could this help him to forget about her? Despite his doubts, he saw no better option. He put the pen to the paper and began to write with shaking hands.

Dear Dakota,

Hi, this is Ashton Irwin. Maybe I should start by explaining why I'm writing to you. I miss you. It's been awful with you gone. Someone recommended writing to you, but I don't know what I'm supposed to write. I guess I'll write whatever I'm thinking about. I also don't know how many letters I'll have to write. I'm supposed to write them until I feel healed or something. I've already put off writing the first one for a week, but now I'm writing it. So here I go.

I went to the beach yesterday. Not the Californian beaches that were so familiar to us. I don't think I'm ready to return there. It was painful enough in Florida. Everything reminds me of you. Does anything ever remind you of me? Do you remember when we first met?

"Come on, Ashton," Calum coaxed, pushing me toward the water.

"I just wanna sit for a while," I explained, "It's nice out!" Calum sighed, but left anyway to follow Michael and Luke into the ocean. I laid back on my towel, arms behind my head and eyes shut, and I sighed in contentment. Out of nowhere a Frisbee flew, hitting my side. I opened my eyes, sitting up and looking around for the owner.

"I am so sorry!" You had called out, mortified. You made your way toward me and I scrambled to my feet. I took off my sunglasses, sure I must have been seeing things, but I wasn't. You were so beautiful. "I'm really sorry," you repeated, "My friend has awful aim." You nodded back toward your friend, but I couldn't look away from you.

I remember exactly how you looked in that moment, Your skin and hair were sandy. You smiled up at me sheepishly, your freckled cheeks a light pink. Your green eyes were startlingly clear and drops of water clung to your lashes.

I don't know how long I stared at you, or what you had been saying while I stared. I was brought back to earth when you said shyly, "I know who you are."

"You do?" I asked, realizing with a start that I had been staring much too long. You nodded, an embarrassed smile playing at your lips. "Who?" I asked, wanting to keep you talking to me as long as I could.

"Ashton Irwin," you replied. I nodded dumbly and you continued. "You're the drummer for 5 Seconds of Summer."

"I am," I confirmed, not knowing what else to say. You giggled and I couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Well I'm Dakota Fields," you said, sticking out your hand. I hesitated, but took it, shaking it in my own. "I'm not the drummer for 5 Seconds of Summer," you added.

"You're funny," I stated, making you blush.

"I try," you laughed with a shrug. I laughed, too, and I smiled down at you. It was silent for a second, as we looked at each other. I wanted to say something more, but I could find no words. "Well," you sighed, taking me away from my thoughts, "I should get back to my friend."

"Right," I said with a nod, "I'll see you around, maybe."

"Er, you still have the Frisbee," you muttered, pointing weakly to the green disc in my hand.

"Right," I repeated, handing over the Frisbee and blushing immensely. You nodded, taking it and turning it over in your hands.

"Bye, then," you said quietly. I nodded and you turned away, jogging towards your friend. And I couldn't shake the feeling that I just let something amazing go.

I really don't understand how writing this down is supposed to make me feel better. As of right now, I feel worse. Memories keep coming up, distant but clear, covered in a haze of regret and confusion. What went wrong?

These questions I'm writing are not rhetorical. To be honest, I'm writing this in the hopes that you will reply. I want you to know how much it would mean to me to get an answer. I just need to know that you're okay.

Still yours,

Ashton