Forever & Always

Chapter 1

Life has a funny way of jerking you around. Honestly, I don't think people our age get enough credit for the shit we put up with. First of all, school sucks. Social hierarchies, bullying, shitty food. That's pretty much the definition of prison, minus shanking each other, and the windows aren't barred to give the illusion of freedom. 

Second, we have college, the ever present dark cloud that is hung over us since the beginning of time. For some, it's the land of opportunity because they have a fucking clue as to what they want to do with their lives. For the rest of us that are still trying to figure it out, it's a little bit scarier because there are 80,000+ schools in the world (I never looked up that statistic, so if that's wrong, sue me) and all of them are saying whatever it takes to get you to come there. And, somehow, at ages 17 and 18, we are supposed to be able to pick out what we want to do for the rest of our lives. Now, please ask any adult if they had any fucking clue as to what they wanted to do at our age. They didn't. We're all hopped on hormones and Red Bull, how the hell are we supposed to think rationally about our future enough to make such a serious decision? Anyway, I digress. 

Finally, the third way life is just regular ol' stand-up comedian is how many curveballs it likes to throw at you, just to see how you'll handle it. For example, I was doing pretty well at my school in suburban Pennsylvania. I had all A's, a 3.8 GPA and a decent circle of friends. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't the kid being dumped into trash cans at lunch either. My parents were pretty great. My dad was hilarious and caring and my mom was one of the sweetest people you would ever meet. If we were rich, we would have had the perfect life. 

I would've loved to have my brother with us, but he was in Iraq with the army fighting overseas. I missed him, but when he did get to visit, it was a lot better than when we were growing up. Anyone with siblings understands that after spending every damn day with them, you need a bit of a break from them, and that when you are away from each other and then reunite, you are just closer for some reason. Can't explain it, but it's true. I also wished my best friend Shane hadn't moved to Florida when we were in second grade. My mom and his mom were friends from work. At one point in their lives, they both worked at the same administration building. Eventually, they both left the company for other jobs, but stayed in touch and when they each got pregnant and had kids, they just HAD to introduce them to each other, which is how Shane and I became best friends. 

Honestly speaking, I kind of always had a crush on him. He was one of the only people that I really got  along with. I was a rambunctious child, so not everyone could handle my fierceness in elementary school. Yes, that was sarcastic, you can laugh. 

I was a mess, but Shane took that and ran with it. We would just goof off like no one was watching, and it was great, like we were in our own world. One day, when we were in second grade, the two of us were sitting outside in my backyard under this huge oak tree. We were reading a book in the shade and there was a line in it that said, "Forever and always is a long time, but it's just long enough to do whatever you want." Shane read that to me and said, "That's how long we're going to be friends. 'Forever and always'." 

I know, swoon, right? Can you even imagine 7 and 8 year olds saying this? Well it's true. What can I say, we were prophetic from a young age. Anyway, we promised we'd always be friends. And then like some sick joke, his family moved to Florida to take care of his ailing grandmother. I didn't understand how serious that was at the time; all I knew was that my best friend ever was moving away. I still remember watching their car drive away down our street for the last time on the day they left. It sucked. And that was the first curveball thrown my way. If I thought that was bad, I had no fucking clue. 

So, I moved on in life. Shane and I weren't really able to keep in touch after that. I never really forgot about him, even though we hadn't seen each other in years. School kept moving and I had tone down my weirdness because I no longer had a partner in crime to be weird with me. I made some friends and did my best to keep my head low. I got bullied by some girls around 7th grade because people suck, which made me extremely closed off. I stopped talking to a lot of people because I got very self conscious. That's why middle school sucks, and I know it wasn't just a pain in the ass for me, it probably sucks for everyone. Eventually, by 9th grade, my fear turned to anger, so instead of keeping my mouth shut, I started to speak up against people that were bullying me and eventually people just stopped trying to mess with me. By junior year, I had friends around me that were real friends and could handle my unfiltered mouth and my grades were great. I was on a steady track with the exception that I had no clue what I wanted to do in college, but I kept telling myself I would figure that out as I went.