Forever & Always

Chapter 23

That night, Shane called me to tell me that he too got accepted to U of Kentucky. I had told my mother that I had gotten accepted, but I made her promise to keep it between the two of us. This would be my information to share, so as much as she wanted to call Mrs. Wolfe and tell her that their kids might be going to the same school, she couldn't. 

I congratulated Shane on the phone, but told him that I had not received anything from the school. I told him only about Duke, which he congratulated me heavily for and told me how happy he was for me. By the time I hung up the phone, that weight was still firmly planted on my chest and not moving. Also, it felt like a black hole had just emerged in my stomach and it ached like crazy. 

Don't get me wrong, I was excited about the acceptance letters, but I didn't want to tell Shane that if NYU was a yes, then there was no contest as to where I was headed. He was so excited at the thought of us moving to the same school, and I didn't want to damper that. My head hurt from the buzzing of thoughts that refused to stop. I threw the acceptance letters on the floor and laid back on my bed, hoping my mind would shut up eventually. 

"What are you doing, Riley?" I asked myself, sounding like a crazy person. 

Why should I be taking Shane's feelings about college into consideration, you might ask. I mean, this is my future and for all I know, he might not be apart of it, so why would I make the decision based off of him? I know, what was I thinking? I didn't want to say goodbye to him, and frankly, I don't believe long distance relationships work out. The best case scenario would be if I went to a school that was close to him and we just figured it out from there when we could visit each other. But we were looking at schools that were HOURS away. 

I hated goodbyes, always have and always will. And I felt like I had been used to goodbyes at this point, with my dad and my brother, but I didn't want another one. I was clinging to Shane so he didn't leave me too. But I didn't want to be clingy! I didn't want to feel like I needed someone. Now, do you see my struggle? 

And Shane was the only person I felt like I could tell everything to, no matter what. Chris was a close second, but he's my brother, there are just some things we don't tell each other as siblings. The only thing I had never told Shane was about this letter and it was eating at me. 

Sighing, I got ready to go to bed and climbed under the covers. I hoped closing my eyes would take this issues out of my mind. Yes, I know, I'm delusional. 

****

"So, what did they say?" Liam asked the next day, as we walked back to school. 

I sighed. He saw both envelopes, there was no way that I could make up some story like it wasn't a later, it was just information about the school. He knew. 

"I go accepted to both," I said, infusing as much false excitement as I could muster into it. The unfortunate thing about Liam is that he is a hard person to get anything by.

"And that has a hint of doubt for what reason?" he asked with a chuckle. 

I sighed, and blurted it all out. There was no getting around it at this point. 

Liam listened to me explain the entire situation and the dilemma playing out in my mind. He said nothing as I explained the whole thing and was quiet for a moment after I finished my speech. 

He sighed. "Riley, you have to tell him eventually, you know that, right?" he asked. That was all he had to say? Really?

I nodded dejectedly. "I just don't want to make it weird between us right now, you know? We are so good right now." 

Liam shook his head. "Well, your first mistake is looking at this relationship as a boat you don't want to rock," he commented. "You're looking at this as if you and Shane are on a precarious cliff and one little thing could push you over and god forbid you share the honest truth about something."