Beyond

(Chapter 2) Grief

Not too long after scavenging a couple of cars I was able to find some clothes that sort of fit myself and got rid of that stupid hospital gown I was left in. I wasn’t able to run still but luckily I was able to manage. I came across an old business building and a parking garage that looked pretty vacant at this point I was only hoping to find some food. The building Belonged to a state bank and didn’t look like someone has been inside for years with how much dirt covered the main entrance. The building was fairly big with a connection to the parking garage about 5 stories up. It must have been nicer at one point but now with the dirt taking over the building it looked ancient. I went to the main entrance to see a building that looks completely in check on the inside. Nobody has broken in and nobody has struggled to leave the entrance like at the hospital. The door was locked but I didn’t feel like making an opening where anyone can see, so instead I made my way up the parking garage.

Once I got to the walkway of the building I noticed that the doors were wide open. Wedged by chairs and desk as if people kept the entrances open. I guess that made sense because there wasn’t a single vacant car or truck anywhere in the garage that I could see. I made my way inside and saw empty hallways and more paper across the floors. The feeling I got from this place was as if a mass panic came across to every worker. They had digital signs above the hallways that didn’t look as if they have had a function in a long time. Luckily I found a directory that guided me from the walkway to the cafeteria. It wasn’t that far down from where I walked into the building.

Reaching the cafeteria I look and see they have a built in kitchen that serves meals to its employees. I continued to only smell was seemed to be as if every food they had has gone rotten for some time now. Before I even try to go behind the counters leading to the smell all I saw were vast amount of rodents and vermin covering the floor with whatever leftovers they could eat. They needed it more than I did. I scanned around to see if there was anything else I could scavenge while I was here, and thank god there it was a vending machine with a glass window. I took a cafeteria chair to the window and broke open the window and grabbed a small bag of lays and cheez-its and began to finally have a bite to eat. The taste of the chips seemed almost too good for some reason. It was that feeling you get when you finally get the exact food you have been craving for months.

And that’s when it hit me. I needed to find some form of transportation in order to get to the main place I needed to be, my home. I quickly got up and started to scavenge what else I could carry from the vending machine and continued back to the parking garage. Then as soon as I take a step out the front doors I took a step back. There it was a glisten from the sun hitting a windshield. It was on the top floor of the parking garage. I started to walk as quickly as I could to the main stairs and as I got to the top of the garage I saw yet another horrible image. There was a body near the car with the door open and the keys laying near them. Their body was fed off by some sort of animal and left to rot. Each step I got closer to them I could smell and see more of a decaying body. There were maggots running out the nose and eyes of what was left of this persons face. I grabbed the keys entered the car and shut the door. These images are becoming more and more gruesome to bear.

I tried the ignition a few times over and over without luck. The person still had battery left in his car though surprisingly because normally leaving a light on as long as he did it would have killed the battery. I tried the old handy trick of turning the key and pressing down on the throttle and finally got the sound I was looking for. The car turned over and I began my way out of the parking garage and back to the main streets. I saw the crossed roads and found I was in the inner city of our little metropolitan. Each streetlight was out and not working and every so often when I passed a Walgreen’s with a clinic inside hundreds of cars were parked around it with the doors wedged open. While the others had either been broken into or completely vacant. The inner city looked as if a sound hasn’t been heard anywhere around here in a vast amount of time. Dirt lined the roads and bushes and dead trees lined the medians between each side. I began my way onto a freeway to only notice that again one side was packed with vehicles and the other as clear as can be.

It didn’t take long to reach the suburbia that I made my home out in the greater part of the city. Not dealing with traffic and a speed limit that is. I found myself amazed to see a majority of the garage doors were open on the houses as I got closer to my own. And then there it was the two story adobe home that I bought with my fiancé. I parked in the drive to only find that the building has been left just the way she would always leave it. Secured and not bothered. We had this grand entrance with a great big door that had our doormat still left there. It read “Wipe your paws please”, that was her choice because she always loved dogs. I knocked on the door a few times awaiting an answer but only to be disappointed in silence. I went to where we kept our secret key and opened the front door. The echo of the hinges went across the house. My house has a huge open concept and contained mass amount of grey, black and blue furnishings, it was her favorite scheme of colors.

I quickly went up the staircase to find she wasn’t in our bedroom or spare bedroom or office. She wasn’t here. The pictures of our vacations were the only other faces I saw. I sat down in our bedroom only saddened by the scent of her candles that still lingered in the room. She picked out her two favorite smells that made the room smell like gummy worms to me. I couldn’t breathe hardly after thinking more about her. I sat there with my fingers crossed shaking all throughout my bones with mixed emotion. I was hurt to see she was gone and angered to see she didn’t wait for me. I couldn’t even bother to look into the closet because I know the sight of her clothes would only worsen the pain I felt.

I walked out of the room and left it shut and went back downstairs to our kitchen. She and I had this made custom to our needs. Originally it looked horrible and we had it renovated. I sat down at the kitchen table and just closed my eyes for the longest I think I ever have. I saw images of her in her most beautiful moments. I could just picture her face and her smile and elegance. When I opened my eyes I looked around the house to see that everything has been left it place just like it normally would. Nothing that seems as if anyone would rush out of here. I was surprised yet still not optimistic about her being gone. When I picture her I feel happiness for a brief moment but then saddened to think she could be one of the thousands I saw burning outside the hospital. Then it finally sunk in. Why am I still here I thought. Why would I still be alive and wake up to this world. It had to have been nightmare. I went to the couch and laid down where the time didn’t seem important anymore.

The next morning seemed pointless. I woke up looking at the ceiling of my living room in complete silence. Normally when I woke up here I always heard the sound of Mia’s music. Even if I thought it was just terrible. She and I had completely different taste but that’s another thing I loved about her. Luckily the power still worked in our home due to the solar power system we had installed to save on our bills. Me being me I went into the kitchen and began going through what was left of our food. Most of it had spoiled and gone bad which I began to throw into a trash bag. Mia wouldn’t want this in the house even if she is not here.

I took the trash outside and sat it down in the backyard all of the plants have died but there was only two things still living. It was a present I bought myself when Mia went to New York a couple of years back. My two koi fish were swimming in the pond I made for them in the back. The water they were in of course looked terrible but there they were still swimming along. I always wanted these fish due to their color and how they were. Was it a need to have them of course not but it was something I just had to have. Unfortunately the rest of our yard was just dead what remained was our outdoor furniture covered in dust and our umbrella must have been taken by the wind.

Going back inside I made my way around the house looking at what remained and what might have been taken. Nothing seemed out of place throughout the house. Even my office that had way more electronics and gaming systems that a young teenager would go crazy for. This was the only place I didn’t feel that sadness that remained for the fact that Mia was gone. It was my oasis of technology the one thing I always got my hands on because of an addiction me and my two older brothers had. We always wanted the next best system or software. It was our family competition that never really crowned a winner. The only item I had that my brothers really wish they had was the T.V. that Mia bought. It had a grand amount of colors that would display behind it giving that theatre type of appeal.

I sat in my office chair and just spun around at this point before I decided to get up and see what was left of the neighborhood that we lived in. I went outside in the front to see the simple colored adobe homes that surrounded mine. Each one had their garage door open and each one had the vehicles missing. They all left. I walked down the sidewalk never hearing such silence. Each house I somewhat remembered meeting the people who lived there. There was the Davis’ who always seemed to be working on their cars two doors down from us. Or there was Sheryl the nice lady who lived on the opposite side of us and seemed to always be waving whenever I was doing yard work.

I walked the entire neighborhood I lived in and finally saw that the sun was going down. No one insight. Not even the kids that always threw eggs at people’s doors. Or the crazy couple that had always argued outside to not disturb their kids but annoyed the rest of the community. When I made it back to my house I couldn’t help to feel a slight bit of optimism that she might be there but maybe it was because whenever I got home from work there she was. She would be watching Netflix in our living room and come give me a hug and kiss as I walked through the garage door. I could picture it all as I walked through the door. The shorts she always wore before we went to bed and the tank top she used as her night time clothes that had a tiger vinyl printed on the front. She would have her long black hair in a ponytail and these weird socks that kept her feet warm.

I sat down on the couch yet again and just closed my eyes to relive the moments that we had together in this room. Even the arguments over some of the weirdest misunderstandings. The only horrible thing about it all was that it didn’t matter. Not anymore anyways she wasn’t here and I was alone. It was first time I’ve been alone for 5 years. Even if I thought about my brothers possibly being alive it didn’t matter. They would being doing the same thing if their closest person was gone. Lyle and Leonard never got married or even engaged though. Leonard always was around girls when we were growing up but not Lyle. He drew closer to himself throughout his years. Even the fact he was 26 didn’t matter to Lyle he only really ever needed himself. Leonard on the other hand didn’t have those circumstances. His story has more stress than it does drama. He was only 24 and lived on the other side of the country now. There was no way he was down here and even looking for me.

Leo and I didn’t get along to well after me and Mia got together. He never liked the idea of me spending the rest of my life with her. When I first met her they were close friends and any one of Leo’s close friends that was a girl he tried to hook up with. According to all his closest friends they have but not her. I didn’t want to believe his friends or him because of how I felt for her so we went against his wishes and stayed together. That’s when I knew I lost my brother at that point. He didn’t want me to get hurt but he didn’t want her with me because he thought she was only with me to replace him. Plus it didn’t help the last time we saw each other we ended up in a fist fight that left me and him both separated by our oldest brother. Lyle always looked after us after our parents sadly past. He was our guardian but most of all the one that made sure we didn’t kill each other. We came to a mutual agreement that day to say only two words to each other twice a year “Happy Birthday”. That was it.

Being in this situation that was at hand my mind continued to wonder off into past events that happened in my life as the sun disappeared and the darkness came through my windows. I decided to stop mopping around for a while and finally make whatever I had left to eat. We still had frozen meat in our freezer and from the looks of it, they haven’t spoiled just yet. I took out the meat and began to let it defrost in the fridge while I ate the kettle cooked chips that Mia always liked to buy. They tasted stale but when you’re as hungry as I am. It didn’t matter. My only thoughts were hell at least they were still in a sealed container. The sea salt and vinegar taste always left a little residue on your fingertips that Mia always liked just so she could enjoy that taste just a little bit more.

Before the day even got close to its end came the first noise I’ve heard that I haven’t created myself. Living in a suburbia I never thought survivors would be around. I took my new found curiosity upstairs to see a cloud of smoke in the distance. An explosion miles away but still visible 40 miles away from the city. It made the night glow brighter with the flames creating light under the smoke. It could have been due to the inactivity of the city and a gas line blew or I wasn’t alone. But with where it was located my only thought it’s not close enough to get myself worked up over. But that was it for my night I decided to finally lay my head down on an actual bed but it was only the spare bedroom.

The days seemed to mold together one by one with silence after staying here at home. The town was quiet and felt as if a single car crash would echo throughout. Lately the days I’ve began sitting on a lawn chair in my driveway. There was no one that ever came by although the silence and weather seemed relaxing to me. Mia always wanted to sit out and watch the day go by too. Today seemed to be the first day it would actually rain sense I’ve been here. One thing that seemed to be a constant was random strong gusts of winds that came by and pushed the dirt that covered the roadways. It was clear that today was going to be something in a crazy nature as well. I could smell the moisture in the air and the dirt that was coming with the wind. The one downfall about living in the desert. I put my head down to see what debris has hit my foot only to suddenly feel a pressure on my temple. As I began to reach towards my forehead the smooth touch of a hand grabbed mine. Unfortunately after that I heard the first spoken words after waking and they were not mine.