the traveller // louis tomlinson

chapter thirty-five // before you leave me today.

Louis' POV

The screaming from the audience fills my ears, and what usually would make a smile appear on my face, only makes me want to crawl off stage and never resurface. Everything just makes me feel more overwhelmed, causing my headache to double in size.

The bright stage lights make it virtually impossible to see anyone in the audience. Every so often the spotlight swings over the crowds, shining lights on their faces. My eyes scan the VIP section of the audience, desperately searching for that curly headed girl to just be there.

The longer I go without seeing her, the more I have to tell myself it's impossible to pick out faces up here. She's probably there, I just can't see her.

Right?

"We're gonna slow it down for the next song and sing one of my favorites," Liam announces as we all sip from our water bottles, sweat coating our bodies after our tiring last number, "Moments," He tells the audience, earning an entire arena full of loud, excited screams for our beloved ballad.

I can't help but to freeze, knowing very well how hard it's been to even sing the words from our songs. I've just been forcing myself to jump around with energy so I don't have time to think about it. But now it's time for us to just sit down on our stage and sing; no jumping around; nothing to hide behind.

"You going to be okay, mate? Should we skip this song?" Harry rushes to my side, whispering concerned words in my ear.

I look around to all the excited faces in the audience, knowing very well I can't just skip over all the slow songs in our show. I just need to fight through it. We still have half a tour left, I can't try and hide everything forever.

"I'm fine," I assure him as we take our seats at the edge of the stage.

Harry pats me on the back, shooting me a sympathetic frown as he takes his seat beside me. I put on my happy face, forcing a smile on my lips as I wave to excited fans a few feet in front of us.

The music starts, barely giving me enough time to catch my breath before Liam starts to sing,

"Shut the door,
turn the light off.
I wanna be with you,
I wanna feel your love.
I wanna lay beside you,
I cannot hide this,
Even though I've tried."

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling as the air is sucked from my lungs. Mia's face barges into my mind, her soft gentle demeanor floating around behind my closed eyelids. I have tried my hardest to push her out of my mind the entire day, with no success.

The lyrics are like a slap to my face, never having had much to relate with this song before. Now I can perfectly picture Mia's soft body lying in her bunk and me just watching her carefully, wishing I could just cuddle in there with her.

And I sure as hell tried to hide it, with no success, of course.

"Hearts beat harder,
Time escapes me.
Trembling hands touch skin,
It makes this harder.
And the tears stream down my face,"

Liam continues to sing, his soft falsetto forcing me to bite down on my tongue to avoid breaking into sobs right here, right now. Out of the corner of my eye I see him glance over in my direction, giving me an apologetic frown as if he knew I was struggling.

I look up to the ceiling of the arena, trying my hardest to keep the tears at bay. The last thing I ever want to do is let the world see me cry. I can't let my guard down like that, especially not over something I knew was going to happen.

"If we could only have this life for one more day,
If we could only turn back time,"

Harry sings the build up before the chorus, his face twisted in emotions as well. I know he grew to care for Mia as well; we all did. I had heard him talking on the phone to Olivia earlier, telling her that Mia had left and that he was gonna miss her.