Holding On And Letting go l.h.

-10-

Brooklyn

I stopped running in front of a gas station, three blocks away from the restaurant.  I was trying to catch me breath until I heard my name being called out. From that I ran once again. I was never the one to show other people I was hurt or weak. I refuse to show them how I felt because they'll show  me sympathy and i don't want that.

"Brooklyn?!" they shouted. Not just Luke, but the others as well. I have nowhere else to go and my legs started to hurt even more. As I was running, I turned my head to see how close they were. They were all at the gas station asking people around if they've seen me.

"No." I said as one of the man pointed at my direction. "There she is!" one of the shouted. Fuck.

"Brooklyn!" I hear Calum shout from behind me. "Brooklyn stop!" It's beginning to hurt to breath and my ribs felt like they're gonna snap any moment. I looked ahead of me and i can see an alleyway right next to a bar. It may not be the best idea but I ran to it. It was pretty dark so hopefully they won't see me here.  It was a dead end for me. No where to hide or to go.

"where did she go?" Michael asked. I sat behind a bin, peering at the side to watch them and see when they leave.

"Come on she can't be that far." Hannah said, peering round the entrance of the alley.

"Call her." She suggested. Crap.

"I'll do that, meanwhile you guys go ahead and ask people around if they've seen her." Ashton said, pulling his phone out. At the same time I looked for my phone, checking my pockets. But I didn't have it. I watched him dial my number and waited for someone to answer. My phone started ringing from Michaela's bag. I sighed in relief, leaning against the wall.

"Let's go." One of them said in a disheartened tone.

I got up carefully and walked towards the street. They were gone. I began jogging the opposite direction, back to the gas station. I start to feel emotional about this whole situation as I jogged. My heart start to ache and I can feel the tears forming in my eyes.

I got to the gas station, once again breathless and on the verge of tears.
I collapsed on the pavement, pulling my legs to my chest and start to cry.
The gas station's neon sign was still on but no one was there lucky.

I don't know why I'm crying over this. Over the past months I already there was a reason behind why we split apart. I've accepted it. I was completely fine with it. And now I feel the same way as the day he left. Broken, alone and weak. Not even Michaela or Hannah was here with me. How did this dinner party turn into a search party for a broken girl?

"Brooklyn." A deep masculine voice said. I took a deep breath and wiped my tears. I looked up and Ashton was crouching right in front of me.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why did you run away from us?" I was too upset to answer any of the questions. Even though it was unfair to him and to the others, I wasn't able to form words even if I tried to.

I shook my head and the tears continued to rolled down my cheeks. "Come here." He said, pulling my into his tight embrace. I cried even harder now that someone was actually here for me to cry on. I hated crying I front of people. But I've gotten to the point that I didn't care anymore.

He rubbed my back, attempting to calm me down. I felt humiliated in front of Luke, knowing that I tried to make him happy in our relationship and I never actually did.

Ashton pulled out his phone and called someone. "Hey, I found her." He continued comforting me as we sat On the cold pavement right next to the road. "We're I front of the gas station."
I pulled away from Ashton, wailing away the tears once again and sat next to him, looking at the ground, fighting the tears to come back. I probably look like shit right now.

"Oh thank God!" Michaela shouted, running towards me with Hannah.
I looked at them motionless and stood up.

"Here, take my jacket. You're probably cold." Ashton said, taking his leather jacket off.

"No it's fine. I'm fine." I replied before he completely took it off. My voice was starting to fade as I spoke. Looking behind Michaela and Hannah, the other three boys stood. Luke, looked guilty and he shouldn't be. He spoke the truth.

I approached him as if nothing was going on. "Take me home." Was all I said, looking at him. He looked a bit confused at first before nodding. "Okay." He replied. They all probably know what happened or parts of what happened, but I just wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Knowing them all, they'll want some answer as to why I ran off. But I don't feel like discussing it now or ever. Maybe in a few days or weeks.

"I called the driver, he'll be here in a minute." Luke said. I nodded and stood next to him in silence.

"What the hell happened?" Hannah asked. "You went out for a cigarette and the next thing you know you've ran off. You can't just leave us guessing." She practically spread at me.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh for fuck's sake!"

"Hannah she-" I cut Luke off before he said anything else.

"I'll talk about it tomorrow. I'm just tired and I just want to go to bed." She nodded and walked towards me pulling me into a hug. "Do that again and I'll actually tie you on a chair." I chuckled and mumbled "I'm sorry."

Two cars finally came and I was the first to go in. Luke followed after me and sat next to me at the back of the first car. As everyone else got into the other car which was much bigger, Luke and I was left alone.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that to you and I feel so terrible. If anything you made those two years the best years I've had." Luke said. He sounded so desperate to make me believe what he's saying now. "I maybe haven't said it in a while but I still love you and I care about you so much to intentionally hurt you."

"It's okay. Stop apologising." I said, forcing smile on my face. "No it's not." He protested.

"Luke, you told the truth okay. There's nothing wrong about that. It's okay."

"But that wasn't the truth Brooke. I said that because I was angry. I was angry that I wasn't there to make you happy, and the only thing that did made you happy kills you. And I was the reason you did that." He squeezed lightly on my hard as he said those words.

"I don't want you think that, Luke. You didn't tell me to start again. I chose to start again. I know you care and I care about you too. But what you said did have some truth to it. I don't want to talk about this right now but you will figure out what I'm talking about. Even I can see it and it's been a year." I said, looking at him, forcing myself not to cry.

"You're not fine though are you?"

"I'm okay Luke." Nope.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." No. I smiled weakly at him. And rested my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes.