Raising Haze

Chapter Twenty-One

(Haze's POV)

I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know what to think. 

I just kept walking. 

I couldn't cry. I couldn't yell. I couldn't scream. I couldn't do anything

Hearing the truth hurt. It killed me. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't even think straight. My entire world seemed to be crashing down around me. Even through I was walking, and seemed perfectly fine, I couldn't see straight. I didn't know where I was going. I just kept on walking, hoping I could forget the world. Hoping I could forget everything. I didn't even want to think. 

All my life, I thought I had the perfect life, aside from not having a father. We had money, I had everything we needed. Hell, I didn't have to worry about anything. My life was fantastic.

Then it all came crashing down. 

I wish I never found out about my mother. That one, simple thing caused my whole world to fall apart. Who knew something so simple could cause so much bullshit. 

"Haze!" I heard someone yell from behind me. I looked behind me and saw Derrek running for me. I stopped in my tracks and waited for him to get to me.

"Why'd you take off like that?" He asked. I stayed silent. I tried to talk, but I couldn't. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I couldn't formulate my thoughts into words. I just shook my head. 

He grabbed me and hugged me. He just held me in his arms, and I hugged him back. I don't know how long we stood there, but it seemed like forever. The only thing I knew at this very moment, was that he was the only one there for me. He was the only one who wouldn't lie to me. Heather and dad were there, I think, but Derrek was the only one who understood and the only one who would be there when my universe crumbled. 

"Let's take you home." He said. I didn't want to argue. He took my hand and we walked back to my house. 

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The whole walk to my house was silent. He held my hand tight and kept pulling me a little closer.

We walked through my front door, and Heather and dad looked at me in shock.

"Haze! Where were you?" Dad asked as he came up and hugged me. I still didn't say anything. 

"She was walking." Derrek responded. I let go of dad, and just walked to my room. I still had no idea what to think or say to either of them. I guess I appreciate that they told me, but I wish I would of found out a lot sooner than I did. I wouldn't be feeling this much pain. I wouldn't be this confused. I would probably be living life normally. 

I shut my door, and looked at my full body mirror. I could barely even tell that I was looking at myself. I looked at the picture of Skylar - my mother - that I took from the box, and kept looking back and forth between her and my reflection. She and I looked so much alike, only I was blonde. 

I was a mini version of her, but with some of Zane's features. It was a perfect mix between those two. 

At that point, I lost it. I sat right there, against the wall, and cried. I cried my heart out. 

Why couldn't I spend more time with her? Why did she have to leave me? What did I do? 

Fuck Avery. She's the reason my mother's gone. If she didn't kill herself, then my mother wouldn't of either. I don't know what I did to deserve this pain. I didn't think I was that bad. I did what I was told, and kept good grades. Why couldn't she just get rid of the pictures and never tell me? Why couldn't she just tell me sooner? This was ruining my life. I hated it. I hated her. I hated everything. 

I don't know how long I was sitting there before Derrek and my dad walked in. They both sat down next to me and hugged me.

"Don't cry, sweetie." my dad said.

"What did I do?!" I sobbed into his shoulder. 

"You didn't do anything. She was suppose to tell you." I cried even harder. Don't get me wrong, I loved Heather. She was my mom, but she wasn't my mother. I didn't hate her like I said. However, a part of me is going to resent her forever.

They held me as I cried. I still have no idea how long we were all in there, but I eventually stopped. 

"You okay now, babygirl?" Derrek asked. 

"No, but I'll get over it eventually." I stated. He nodded. 

"Dad, can he stay the night tonight?" I asked. He nodded.

"Leave your door cracked though. No weird shit, or I'm gonna have to cut it off." He said, with a slight grin. I blushed, and Derrek laughed. I nodded in response. He laughed walking out the door. 

"I'll be back, babe." I told Derrek. 

"Alright, sweetie." I gave him a kiss, grabbed some clothes out of my dresser, and went to the bathroom. I turned on my shower, and jumped in. I felt like crap, and a shower was all I needed at this exact moment. 

The water was so hot, it felt like I was being drowned in hell's flames. I loved it. I was running pure hot water, and it felt amazing. I washed my hair, and everything else, and stood there for a minute, letting the hot water cover me and relax my  body. 

After I was done, I turned off the water, and dried off. Brushed my hair in the mirror, threw on my shorts and over-sized t-shirt, and walked back to my room. 

Derrek was laying in bed, watching TV and waiting for me. I crawled in next to him, and he put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. 

"You know I'm always here for you, right?" He asked.

"Of course." I responded, turning my head a bit to look at him. 

"Can I tell you something?"

"You know you can tell me anything."

"I love you."