Raising Haze

Chapter Twenty-Two

(Haze's POV)

"I love you."

I didn't know what to say. Honestly, I was shocked.

"What?" Really, Haze? Your boyfriend just told you he loved you, and you respond like that. Smooth. Good going. Idiot.

"I said I love you." He didn't even seem phased by it.

"Are you sure? Like, you mean it, right? Don't say it unless you're positive you mean it. How do you know you mean it? We're only thirteen."

"I mean it, Haze. If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't say it. We may be thirteen, but I'm pretty sure I know how I feel. Look at it this way; if I didn't love you, I wouldn't of stuck around after everything that's happened." he responded. There was so much emotion behind his voice. I looked him in the eyes, and it looked like he genuinely meant it. I smiled.

"I love you, too."  He smiled, and gently kissed me. Just a little peck on the lips. Nothing deeply passionate like earlier, but it held just as much emotion behind it.

"You mean a lot to me. Honestly, I know we're young, but I don't want to lose you, and I promise, I will always be there for you. I'll always be by your side." 

"I don't want to lose you either." After that, we stayed silent, snuggled, and watched whatever came on TV until we fell asleep in each others arms.

                                                    ---------------------------------------------

"Haze. Hey, wake up, sweetheart." I opened my eyes slowly to see who was waking me up. When I finally managed to wake up enough to recognize my surroundings and understand the universe again, I saw that it was dad waking me up. I just looked at him, with a questioning look. I was still too tired to fully function. 

"Breakfast. Wake him up and come down, alright?" He said. I moved my hair out of my face and nodded. He walked out, and I looked over to see Derrek, still fast asleep. 

I poked him.

"Huh?" He rolled over to look at me.

"Good morning, sunshine." I said, still with a sleepy voice.

"Good morning, beautiful." I couldn't help but smile at that. Even though I was still pretty upset with my whole parents and life situation, he managed to make me feel a little better. 

I didn't say anything as I grabbed his hand, and pulled him out of bed and down to the kitchen. When we got in there, there was french toast, egg, bacon, and sausage. Sweet. 

Derrek and I both sat down, grabbed a plate, and however much food we wanted. One thing I've come to learn and love about my father, is when he cooked, he made a lot, and it was always delicious. He should of been a chef instead of a teacher. However, my thoughts were interrupted with him talking. 

"So,  three things. One, school is out in a week. Secondly, I'm going to be blunt, with school being out, and just in general, you need to figure out if you want to be here with me, or with Heather. Lastly, your birthday is in a month and we need to figure out what we're gonna do for that." Ugh. Two of those, I was excited for. Discussion on where I want to say, not so much. I just woke up. It's too early for this.

"Don't give me that look, Haze. You know it needs to be done. Better sooner than later." I rolled my eyes.

"This is the last thing I want to talk about right now, dad." He gave me the 'dad' look. 

"If you want, you can choose to stay with one of us until you fully figure out what you want."

"I'll stay with you, then," He just nodded his head in approval, and took out his phone. Probably to text Heather, I'd assume. 

After that whole ordeal, we ate in a comfortable silence. I put mine and Derrek's dishes in the dishwasher when we were done eating, and went straight to the couch. 

We watched TV for about an hour before he spoke up.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I wasn't really expecting that.

"I'm Hazelyne. I'm always okay." I responded.

"Babe--" I cut him off mid-sentence.

"I'm fine. Just leave it at that." I snapped. He looked down, seemingly hurt a little. I felt bad for snapping at him like that, but I didn't want to talk about it again right now. 

Soon enough though, half hour passed and he had to go home. I gave him a kiss goodbye, and he told me he'll meet me by my locker at school tomorrow. After he left, I went back to my room, and sat on my bed, just thinking about everything.

About why she went through with it. Why no one told me sooner. Wondering if she really loved me if she was willing to end her life and practically abandon her daughter. It all hurt. It really did. I don't know what I did to deserve it. It sounds selfish, but still. I never got a chance to really know her. I spent thirteen years thinking that Heather was the one that gave birth to me. I still feel betrayed and lied to. 

Thinking all of this over, I took the picture of her out again, and just looked at it. She appeared happy, but you can see the sadness in her eyes. I think this was taken before she got pregnant with me. There wasn't a baby bump or anything. I don't know.

The more I looked at it though, the more I wanted to cry. Tears were welling up in my eyes, and after a minute, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I broke down, clutching her picture to my chest.

"Why did you leave me?" I asked. Not like she was going to respond. That just made me cry even harder. I want to know what she was like. I want to see her in person. I want to hug her. I want to do everything a mother and daughter are suppose to do with her, and I will never get that chance. 

I've never even met her, yet I love her so much. Every time I look at her picture, I feel more of a connection. More of an incomplete connection, if that makes any sense. I feel everything there, but I know I will never be able to experience it, and it kills me. 

The more I think about it, the more I cry. I just kept crying and I couldn't stop. 

Next thing I know, Dad walked in, and just help me. Like any good father would to comfort his daughter. I couldn't even look at him though. I don't know why. I just cried into his shoulder.

"Why didn't she want me, dad?" I asked between sobs.

"Sweetie, she loved you. She loved you so much. She had major depression, and she thought you would do better without her." He said, smoothing down my hair. 

"Why didn't you want me? Why didn't you come get me after it happened? I thought I didn't have a dad for thirteen freaking years!" I cried even harder.

"Haze, I have always loved you. More than you'll ever know. Honestly, Heather didn't want me around after the whole situation, because of how I handled things before it happened. That doesn't mean hate her for it. She thought she was doing the right thing. All that matters is that I'm here now, and I'm going to do anything I can to prove to you that you're my world. I'll never leave you like that again. I promise. I love you, Hazelyne. I don't care how old you are now, or even in the future. You always have been, and always will be, my little girl." He said, sounded like he was crying a little bit as well. 

"I love you too, dad."

He hugged me tighter. I was still crying uncontrollably, but it did make me feel a little better. It was nice knowing my dad, and getting along with him so well. 

The fact that even after thirteen years, he still wanted to be there. He still wanted to be in my life. He plans on staying in my life.

I think what means the most to me though, is the fact that he wants to stay, and be a good dad. That right there, makes this whole situation a little happier.

I may not have my biological mother around, but I finally have my father, and I couldn't be more thankful for that.