Express Yourself

Chapter One

I walk down the street to Olivia’s house after school. It’s a Friday, and it’s smoldering hot outside. I feel the heat radiate from the hot sidewalk with every step. Despite the temperature, I’m wearing jeans and a Black Veil Brides hoodie. As I walk down the street, I think about what’s been going on at school. Austin, my boyfriend, is being really flaky, and all kinds of rumors are going around about Olivia. People have been saying she’s bisexual, and she seems really bothered by it. But what do I know? If Olivia was bi, she would have told me. Right?

I get to Olivia’s house and knock on the door. Her mom answers and lets me in gladly. Olivia, as usual, is lying on the couch watching T.V. I walk over silently, and then poke her in the stomach. She grabs my arm and flips me over the couch next to her just to mess my hair up. I punch her for that and she punches back.

“How ya doin’?” I ask her as I fix my hair.

“Seen worse, so I’m doin’ pretty good I guess,” she replies in a monotone.

It worries me when Olivia talks like that. It usually means she’s upset or bothered by something; my guess is she’s letting these rumors get to her. I wish she wouldn’t. I hate when she’s upset.

“Come on, we need to talk,” I say as I pull her off the couch into her room.

“What is it Alex?” She says dejectedly. I hate it when she gets like this.

“I’ve heard the rumors, about you being bi. Don’t let it get to you. And even if you were, I wouldn’t mind. You know I would support you no matter what,” I say and finish with a big smile.

“Alex those rumors aren’t true. I’m not bi,” she says defensively.

“All right no need to get defensive chick,” I say and grin again.

“Cool. Want to spend the night?” Olivia asks me.

“Sure, why not,” I say, shrugging.

“Awesome,” she says with a smile. I love to see her smile.

I go back into the living room and grab my cell phone from my book bag and start texting my mom, asking if I can stay the night at Olivia’s. Mom texts back and says I just need to do some stuff around the house first, and then I can. I tell Olivia I’ll be back in an hour with my stuff; I head off to my house with my school stuff back to my house to do whatever mom needs. And again I think of what’s been going on in school. Another rumor was that Olivia likes me. Is it true? She always looks at me with this look in her eyes… I don’t know. I still think if she was bi she would at least tell me. She’s been my best friend since fourth grade.

I get to my house, sweaty and hot because of the heat. I flop down on my bed for a minute, then get back up and ask mom what she needs me to do. She says she needs me to clean out the litter boxes and empty the dishwasher. I get that done and then shower. I love the clean feeling of hot water running down my back. I get out of the shower and slide into clean jeans and tank top. Walking into my room, I wonder what I’m going to pack for Olivia’s. Probably just a couple pairs of jeans and some of my favorite tops, along with my favorite Family Guy pajamas. I grab all my stuff out of my closet and dresser and then text Olivia that I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. She texts back a smiley face and I set out the door and on my way to Olivia’s.

Walking down the street, I think about my relationship with Austin. He and I don’t even talk that much anymore. Could it have something to do with those rumors? Is my life becoming more complicated on some level I don’t see because of the rumors? What could be weirder than this?

I think about these issues the rest of the walk to Olivia’s house. I get there; stand in her front lawn, sigh, and then go knock on the door. Olivia’s little sister, Alexis, answers the door and makes me push her out of the way just to get in the door. When I finally get in the door, I see Olivia isn't in the living room. Her mom points out that Olivia has been in her room since I left. I thank her mom and walk back to Olivia's room. When I knock on the door, I hear faint sniffles, like she's been crying.

"Olivia?" I call out, knocking on the door again.

"What?" she yells through the door and muffled sobs.

"Can I come in?" I ask.

"Hang on," Olivia says in her monotone.

I hear creaking coming from the bed and the floor, and then the door opens. I see small, but fresh cut wounds on Olivia's left arm; tissues and band aid wrappers are strewn across the floor. 

"What've you been doing Olivia?" I ask.

"Nothing, just reading," she replies flatly.

"Really? Then what're the band aid wrappers and tissues doing all over the floor? I heard you sniffling in here. I know you were crying. And what the hell is all over your arm?"

Olivia looks at the floor and begins crying again. She knows I know what she's been doing.

"So, why have you been cutting yourself?" I ask her.

"Those rumors are bothering me so much..." she says, her voice drifting off into silent sobs.

"Shhh it's okay hon, I'm here," I whisper as I wrap my arms around her in a comforting hug.

"I'm so glad you're here Alex," she says through more sniffles and tears.

"It's okay I'm here for you, those rumors are nothing. And trust me; whoever started those rumors is going to regret it."

I stand there and hold Olivia a few minutes more and then take her in the bathroom to take care of her arm. I get the first aid kit from beneath the sink and grab alcohol wipes and band aids. I open one of the wipes and start cleaning the cuts. She gasps slightly, partly because of the pain, partly because of the cold sensation on her warm skin. I look at her carefully and smile at her. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, and I watch a few rogue tears stream down her face. I stare into her dark brown eyes with my apple green ones, and wipe away the tears, gently carressing her face with my hand. As I continue to nurse her arm, I feel my phone vibrate and I hear You and I by Lady Gaga play. It's Austin calling.

"Go take it. I know how you feel about him, and I'll be here when you get off the phone anyways," Olivia says as we go back to her room.

"Are you sure? I know you were kinda hoping this would be a weekend just for us," I reply.

"Yeah, but you beter go answer before he hangs up,"

"Okay, thank you so much, I'll be right back," I say hugging Olivia.

I go outside on the front lawn and pick up the phone.

"Hey babe, what's up?" I say when the call connects.

"We need to talk," Austin says in a serious voice.

"What's wrong? Is it your sister again?" I ask. Kayla's always giving him a hard time.

"No, it's not Kayla. It's my dad. I'm moving back to Alabama. I'm sorry."

The phone clicks and I know he's hung up. My arm falls to my side, and the phone falls to the soft grass. I collapse to my knees, and begin to cry. My hands drift to cover up my face, and I double over in emotional agony. Thinking back, all the memories Austin and I shared flashed in my head. We had been together for three years, and everything we shared, every kiss, every laugh, every smile, didn't count for anything. All those times he said he'd never leave me became a lie. I feel two hands rest on my shoulders, and I know by the comforting warmth, they are Olivia's hands.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I guess," I sigh, supressing more tears. "Austin and I just broke up. He's moving back to Alabama with his dad."

"Oh my God Alex, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?" Olivia asks.

"I don't know," I sigh.

I look back at the grass and begin crying once more. Olivia wrapped her arms around me, and I cried onto her shoulder. I heard her humming, and then singing one of my favorite songs. She was singing Born This Way by Lady Gaga. I had no idea she knew that song. I sang with her, and wiped the tears away from my face. I looked at her and we both stopped singing.

"Thanks, Olivia," I say, smiling.

"No problem, isn't that what friends are for?" she said, smiling back at me. We both chuckled and went back inside. In the back of my head, I had a thought: Could there be a correlation between Austin breaking up with me and the rumors about Olivia? Or did Austin just lie to me?