Those enchanted four and half years

Chapter 22

As the last six months (third term) of our second year came nearer, we all became a bit serious. Thinking that we had a lot of time, we had spent a whole year enjoying; enjoying 'days', enjoying gathering, enjoying movies, enjoying gossips; in short, doing everything except studying. As the third term began, we all suddenly became serious, even as the scope of the vast syllabus started sinking into our empty heads. Everyone knew that we had to pay back for the whole year of enjoyment by studying vigorously for these last six months, if we wanted to pass.

One day, I, Sufee and Sneha were studying in our room, Savita walked in with a book in her hand. Her eyes looked as if she had cried a lot. "Can I sit here to study?" she asked in a very low voice. "Of course Savita, what's there to ask? Is everything alright?" I asked. She just nodded her head and sat on one of the chairs. We started studying again. A few moments later I casually looked up and saw Savita silently sobbing. "What happened Savita? Why are you crying?" I asked. I went to sit next to her. Sneha and Sufee too came and sat near her. We started cajoling her. "Is everything alright at home Savita?" Sneha asked. Savita's sobs went on increasing. Within no time, she began crying violently, vigorously shaking. We looked at each other. We kept patting her shoulders, taking her hands in ours. But she kept crying. Almost 15-20 minutes later she calmed down a bit. "What's the matter Savita?" Sufee asked. "I...I can't study," she replied, tears choking her every word. "What? Why can't you study?" Sneha asked. "I...don't...know...I...just...can't!" she continued sobbing. We kept cajoling her for a few more moments. "Savita tell us exactly what is bothering you," I said. She remained silent for some time before she spoke. "I cannot concentrate. I read but it doesn't reach my brain," she said. "Are you taking adequate sleep?" Sufee asked her. "No. I cannot sleep. I cannot study. Too many thoughts keep coming in my head. They crowd me and confuse me. I cannot read or concentrate. I am going to fail." She started sobbing again. "If my parents get to know this, they will be so ashamed!"

"Calm down Savita, there's a solution to every problem. Should we read out to you?" I asked.

"No, that won't work."

"If you take so much stress, so much tension..."

"I am not worth it," she mumbled.

"Not worth of what?"

"Not worth living," she said, staring at the floor.

I, Sufee and Sneha looked at one another, alarmed.

"Look Savita, don't talk absurd. Nothing is more important than life. Study is for you, you are not for study," Sufee said.

"I feel worthless, I am useless!" Savita said.

It was as if there was an invisible wall around her, and our words of consolation were not at all reaching her.

"Savita, do you feel really very low all the time?" Sneha asked.