i hate myself

5.

"Luna, please eat."

"..."

"Luna, you're going to starve yourself."

"I don't want to."

"Please, do it for me."

"No."

"What's wrong with you."

"Everything."

"Like what?"

"I hate myself!"

________________________________

"Luna, get ready, it's your first day in college."

"..."

"Excited?"

"..."

"Are you feeling anything?"

"..."

"Please, talk."

"..."

"Please..."

________________________________

"Luna? Luna?"

"Hm, what what?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, just happy."

"It's negative."

"I know, I'm happy."

________________________________

8:54am

I'm not pregnant. I wasn't shaking. But what if I still am?

KNOCK KNOCK

"Hello, Luna!"

Crap, I still had the test in my hands.

"What is that?"

"Uh-uh, nothing! It's nothing! Hehe."

"..."

"Its really nothing, Lane."

"Is it a test?"

Damn how did he guess it.

"How do you know?"

"When I walked down the hallway, I saw Amy jumping up and down screaming, "TEST TEST TEST TEST WAS NEGATIVE!!!!!!!"

Damn Amy.

I took the test out to show him. I was shaking again.

"You're not pregnant?"

"No, no, I'm perfectly fine, not about being rape tho."

He just kept staring, a blank face, no emotion. Just focused on the test.

"Lane?" No answer.

"Lane, are you okay?"

"I wanted to be your- forget it."

"What? You wanted to my what?"

"It's nothing, really, just another one of my stupid questions, that's all, hehe."

"Tell me."

"It's not a good idea-"

"Lane. Tell me."

"Hhm."

"Lane."

"Lu, you know I love you."

"Yea and I also love you too."

"I wanted to be your first."

"My first?"

"Yea, the first to love you, to hold you, to kiss you, everything. And he took it all away from me."

________________________________

"Hey Lu!"

"Um, Lane right?"

"Yup, yup, nice remembering my name, nobody ever remembers my name."

"Awe."

"That's why they don't talk to me, hehe."

"Awe, that sucks, you'll make friends."

"Doubt it."

"Trust me."

"How?"

"Because, I'm your friend."

"Oh, cool! My first friend!"

"And mine too!"

"Hug it out? Or no, I totally get that it might feel weird for you."

"Hug it out."

________________________________

"Sorry."

"For what Lu?"

My eyes were all red. Nobody ever told me this before. No one. I feel I'm special, but I'm not. I'm a nobody. No one wants a nobody. Why does he?

"I get that maybe you don't feel the same way. Sorry about app the shit-"

I kissed him, just to make him shut up.