i hate myself

4.

7:20am

"Lu, Lu, Lu."

"What," I said, barely awake.

"I'm gonna go back to my dorm to take a shower and change.

"Ah, mkay," I closed my eyes and fell asleep again.

I felt him kissed my forehead, making me smile just a tiny bit.

________________________________

8:01am

I got up and rushed to the bathroom. I wasn't feeling well. I kept shaking, thinking over and over that I'm pregnant. He made me pregnant.

My stomach kept cramping. It's killing me. I'm sweating. I'm scared.

What if I'm pregnant?

How would everyone treat me?

A slut?

How would Lane feel?

How would Pan react?

I'm scared. I don't know what to do.

Please, someone help me.

________________________________

Luna: Amy.

Amy: What's up Lu! How's my best friend doing?

Luna: Not to good.

Amy: Uh, what happened, Lu?

Luna: Can you bring me a test?

Amy: What kind of test, I got geometry, art, photography.

Luna: A pregnancy test.

Amy: ...

Luna: Amy?

Amy: Did you hook up with Lane?!

Luna: Uh, yeah, sure, why not.

Amy: OMG OMG IMGNOMGNFKS! MY DREAM CAME TRUE SKSNANSBDNND!

Luna: Calm down babushka.

Amy: ILL BRING THE TEST! OMG OMG IMG KGNG SOSNSKKABABHSK!

________________________________

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Jesus Amy."

I opened the door to see my short pink haired friend running across my room.

"COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON! LETS GO TO THE BATHROOM," and by that, she ran out of my room.

As I got in, butterflies were inside me, punching my gut everywhere.

"Here you go!" she gave me the pregnancy test with a huge grin

"So, how did it happened?"

"Oh, well, you know, we're 18, and, uh in love.....?"

"EEEEEEEEK! IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS!"

"Now, now babushka, you can't tell him that I told you about the thing that he and i did."

"Ah, okay, okay, okay, so don't tell him about the thing about the thingy thing."

"Yes, babushka."

"Okay, okay, okay.........EEEEEEEEEEK! IM SO HAPPY."

Not all of us are.

________________________________

"So, what would happen if you are pregnant? You're 18 who has 3 more years of college. How are you going care for the baby?"

"I don't know, maybe it could stay with Pan?"

"Can I take care of it?"

"I mean-"

"Can I take care of it?"

"Am-"

"Can. I. Take. Care. Of. It?"

"Sure."

"AHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!"

It isn't for me.

________________________________

Moment of truth. I didn't want to look. I don't want it to be positive. I'm scared.

Positive.

Being a mother is hard.

Positive.

I don't even know how to be a parent.

Positive.

Who's going to be the father?

Positive.

Lane?

Positive.

Or could the baby have no father?

"So, what is it?"

"Negative."