i hate myself

20.

Why do I hate myself? To be honest, I don't even know why. I keep saying these things, over and over in my head. Trying to hurt myself. Trying to hurt others. My mind is taking control of myself. I should be the one controlling it.

I feel like I'm growing up too fast. I never experienced the person I was before. I never gotten the chance to stop and look and see the things around me. It was only focusing on my head, and what it was telling me.

I grew up way to fast the past couple of years, never gotten the chance to appreciate the things I had. I just like them go to waste. Sometimes I regret it, sometimes I don't.

My mind is telling me to grow up. Don't stay a child. Be the adult you're supposed to be. Sometimes I listen to what it's trying to tell me. But sometimes I refuse to go.

Sometimes I wish I could back and be a child again. Living my days like I should have done. Instead I'm stuck here with panic attacks and comments that are trying to kill me. I thought you said to grow up, not to die already.

I want to be the person that I always dreamt.
Everyday, time goes by so fast that you don't even noticed. Each day you forget. You forget the memories that you made on that day.

Your body is telling you to grow up, stop being a child, be more mature.

I don't want to live a life like that. I want to be the person that I am. I want more control for myself. Nobody can judge me around. I can be myself, as a child.

Even know I may be dying each day, it doesn't make a difference.

A/N HI! well this is my first time writing an authors note as "me" in this story. for you all that you don't know, I'm Chan (aka Giulia). the reason that I'm writing this is because one, this story is coming to an end very shortly? idk. and the second reason is I wrote this chapter to reflect Luna's past basically, if you had read the last chapter. I wrote it like this and this way, because I'm growing up. and I made this character reflecting on herself and why she hates herself.
I've seen so many people change as they grow up. take it to my buddy right, she felt confuse about herself and what she is, and her mind was telling her to change, she's now a happy gay woman who loves the way she is, she has an amazing girlfriend and amazing friends. even tho some people didn't like that, she's still happy.
for me, I never want to grow up, I still want to be a child. I don't care what people tell me what do it and what to do is right. I never want to grow up!
thanks to you lovely ppl reading, comment your name, you, yes you, the one who's reading. the only ppl that I have commenting is my two friends and that's it.
well, hope you like this chapter, and see you guys in the next one. I still will be making more stories as well, hopefully?

BYE BYE! ~Channy