i hate myself

7.

10:20am

It hurts. It hurts. Please stop.

________________________________

I woke up in shock and rushed to the restrooms.

I am throwing up. It was negative, it was just the nightmare. Him. Him using me. Using me to feel satisfied. I feel filthy.

Filthy. Filthy. Filthy.

I needed a shower. I want to get him off of me.

I took of my cloths and started the shower, taking the soap and scrubbing every single inch of my body to get his filth off of me.

My skin was turning red, most of it was bleeding. I was scrubbing way to hard but I don't care. I want to get him off. The heat from the water was burning me. But I don't care.

As I rubbed the towel on me, there was a sting. "Shit," I burst out whispering. I could see the blood stain on the bright white towel.

"There's no point leaving this here, eh?" I didn't want any of the girls to notice it and start to go on a rampage on who's blood is it.

I walked back to my dorm. Lane was still sleeping. I didn't want to wake him up any way. I drop down the towel by my couch.

By this time, my stomach was growling like shit.

It wouldn't hurt to go by the cafeteria to eat right?

Of course I didn't want to go alone. And I didn't want Lane to worry and wake up. Maybe I should go with Amy?

Ah shit.

Luna: Amy! can you come with me to eat some breakfast?

Amy: Well, well, well, someone up awake and starving from there little trip.

Luna: Eh?

Amy: The diddly do.

Luna: Oh, right, shut up.

Amy: Mhmmm mhmm alright I'll go.

Luna: Thanks.

I got ready and started to walk to Amy's door.

"READY! READY!"

"Shhhh!"

"OOP! My bad."

________________________________

"SO! How's my best friend doing?"

"Tired."

"Of course."

I want to tell her. I want to tell her the truth. I hate lying to her.

"Amy."

"Yeah!"

"I didn't do it with Lane."

"What?"

"I didn't."

"Then, who?"

"I-I was raped," tears.

She was silent for 5 minutes. Her eyes were wide open in shock.

"Who DID THIS?"

"Amy-"

"WHO DID THIS TO MY FRIEND?"

"Amy, it's fine, I'm fine, really."

"HOW CAN YOU BE FINE?"

"..."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

It's really not.