Stars

Hope

The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

David Foster Wallace

This was one of many quotes that accurately describe how many people feel. The flames, or the window.

Burn to death or jump to your suicide. Me ,personally, has a great fear of being burnt to death. I think that's my biggest fear. Listening to my skin bubble and melt away from my skin leaving my muscles and bones. Screaming for help, but it's useless. Because nobody can hear me, and if they do only one in a million could save me.

Everyone sees depression differently. Some see it as a release, others see it as a permanent way of leaving, some think it's a waste of time, others think it keeps them alive. I know to some people it doesn't make sense, why do people hurt themselves more when there already in pain. But if you haven't been through it you dont truly understand. I believe that everyone gets lost in life, but some are worse than others. Some can't control it, some can't take it, some people loose everything they have. Their hope, dignity, love, their trust in the human race. Even counselors and therapists don't truly understand.

Sure they study books, they went to school and college for it, they studied human behavior and feelings, but books cannot describe what people feel.

This book can't even do it.

But this is matter of opinion versus matter of living.

So many people try to commit suicide and then survive because believe it or not, you were given a second chance.

But after your diagnosed and drugged up with pills then that's when they say your "okay". That's when they give you a therapist that's when they let you leave. But that's the thing, I believe therapists can help, I have had eighteen therapists and twenty counselors and only one of them helped me. She listened to me, she gave me advice, not the advice she was suppose to give you, she honestly gave me her honest advice, she looked at me and smiled at me, she believed me, she helped me. She was just different then the other ones. But sometimes words can't help.

Pills.

I hate them. Damn it! I cannot believe that doctors and nurses and CNA's believe that one pill, or five pills, or ten different pills can actually help. I think they can help to a certain extent, but if a person is determined then they won't. Depression isn't just something you can snap your fingers and it be gone. It takes time. If someone is depressed then a pill can't help, a pill will disappear from your system, a pill. A pill, it's just another drug that heals the pain for a bit and then makes you feel like shit afterwards.

From pills, to talking to people who don't care,who don't truly understand, people who have a limit to what they can say to you, these things don't help. Atleast not all the time.

Do you want to know what truly helps?

A friend, a loving family, a smile, understandment, forgiveness, it helps when other people step up and help. When they speak up and they actually show they care. Not because they HAVE to but because they WANT to.

Not because these people were forced into calling you a "friend". Not people who have your name on a list to talk to you. Not pills that have your name written on them.

But people who actually give you a chance. People who actually care, who cry with you, who hugs you when your down, who help you up when you fall, people who collect all your broken pieces and glue them together.

Piece by piece.