The Perfect Sinner (cake boyxboy)

(VI) Pessamist

Even though Luke chose Sid, Luke wasn't in any mood to speak to him. In other words, Luke had alienated Sid just as much as he had alienated Calum.

He didn't know if he made the right decision; he got put on the spot in front of Calum, and cornered, he had to make the tough choice for once. But it didn't feel right.

Luke felt petty. He felt like he was in some way punishing Calum, and that made him feel dumb. He had no intention on punishing Calum, and Luke's intentions were to keep going and eliminate all darkness in his life. Luke wanted to be peaceful, he wanted to be something bigger than himself. He'd be turning  eighteen in a week and that felt like a whack load of responsibility.

Luke knew that it was time for him to grow into a man, and that meant getting rid of all negativity in his life. And Calum was negativity. Ever since Calum came back to town, Luke felt something coming, something bad. He'd began to have nightmares of losing Calum in terrible ways.

But he couldn't see Sid either. When he saw Sid, he felt like something was missing. Luke couldn't just replace his love for Calum with an entirely new person. Something like that took time. Luke didn't want to think that he made the wrong decision. The optimist in Luke kept rooting for Calum, he believed that love was all worth the war in the end, but pessimistic thoughts took over swiftly, making him believe Calum was rotten. And was it even Luke's place to give up on someone who truly needs help?

Luke steered off Calum and Sid--or any guys for the matter--for an entire week now. He tried to make himself busy and if he couldn't, he tried to keep himself locked in inside his apartment.

Sometimes being alone is a good thing for the soul. Life can get hard when you're stuck in an on-going cycle of watching people come and go, because it damages you. People become so dependent on everyone around that when they are left alone for a minute, they are thrown in the lion's den, the fear of being alone eating them up savagely. And so Luke understood that it was good to figure out yourself by yourself, he understood that long ago. When Luke's dad died and his mom seemed to vanish as well, Luke didn't have much friends, he didn't even have his brothers around. All Luke had was himself, and so he adjusted to relying on himself and himself alone. And lately, in doing so, he came across the theory that maybe being with another person just wasn't good for the heart. Or not right now. It wasn't good for the heart because love burned. At least the love he's known hurts. Luke never knew pretend love, he never knew cute relationships because his first love fell on him like a house. The very first time he fell in love, it was overwhelming and painful, and exhausting... but it was beautiful. It made him feel his heart race and it made him feel like he was just swirling on thin air. It felt like receiving a punch to the face, a knife to the rib, and a kiss to the lips all at once, and how could Luke deny those feelings when they felt as real as the sun on his face. It felt as real as the waves that washed on his feet and the sky above him. It was his world wrapped up in a cocoon.

"You alright there?" Cara asked, sitting up beside him.

The two were at the beach, sitting down on the sand as the waves came and tickled their feet. Luke then fell of his train of thoughts and came back to a reality. He jerked his head in her direction, smiling. "Just think," he smiled.

"Thinking of what, pray tell?" She asked curiously, twisting her legs and crossing them. "Let me guess... Calum."

Luke didn't respond. He didn't really wanna talk about it.

"Luke..." she elbowed him. "Talk to me, mate. I know you're hurting."

He groaned. "Seven days," Luke spoke.

"What?"

He repeated himself: "Seven days." He bit his lip, staring off into the sun as uv rays made his iris' weak. He squinted his eyes and tried to keep them low to avoid the pain. "That's how long I haven't spoken to Calum in. Seven days and I c-can't think straight. Seven days of not... not talking to this one person and I feel like I'm missing a part of myself. How... how could I begin to... to be in that kind of relationship." He groaned loudly, clenching his fist. "What do you think? I mean, you're smart, so give me some wisdom."