TOXIC

Chapter 4

I walk in to the kitchen and see and walk straight pass him. "Are you guys pack for your trip?".

"Yeah" I say and nod my head. I have to stop to answer her but I dreaded it. Stefan eyes looking it to me.

"Yep" he replies finally looking away from me. 

---

I have to get on the bus but there are no seats left. It was bad decision to buy a beanie from the store a little further down the road. There was one seat left and two of us on the bus. 

"You can sit next to Stefan I'll stand up" I say to Hailey.

"Sure" she says.

"Hey babe. You can sit on top of me" he says grabbing my arm and pulling me towards him. I fall onto his lap and he kisses my neck. The teacher looks at us.

"No sexual actions with the other gender on the bus" A teacher says. We both roll our eyes and smile. I can feel Stefan staring at me but I try to focus on Joey. 

We get to the place and it look beautiful. Joey kisses me on the cheek and then walks to his room. I walk through the corridor trying to look for my room. They has assigned two people in a room. 

I walk in and Hailey's in the room. "Your staying here?" I say.

"Yes" she says nodding. I run up to her and squeal. 

"We need to talk" she says pulling away. 

"Yeah, just let me get changed" I say turning around and taking my t-shirt off and replace it with a black singlet and a grey sweater.

"It's about Stefan."

"No!" I yell. 

"Jordan will you talk to me?" he asks coming out of the bathroom.

"No" I say quietly. 

"I was wrong. After all you've been through I didn't want to hurt you" he says coming up to me and grabbing my hands. I try and pull away but he's to strong. 

"You can't take back what you said. It's out there and I'm fine with it. Just let go and leave me alone" I say turning off.  He pulls me back. "See you say you don't want to hurt me but what do you think your doing right now? This is what I meant. You don't know how or when  to stop" I say pulling his arms off mine and walking out of the room.

I wait in line for the ski escalator,  Hailey and Stefan come up. Hailey stands beside me.

"He didn't want to hurt you. You've been through so much. I'm so sorry Jordan."

"It's ok" I say to her. Hailey jumps on the next ride leaving me to wait with Stefan.

"Sorry" she yells I roll my eyes.

"You, know I fall for it every time. No more. All people ever do if betray me. And her you go again."

"What are you talking about?" he asks. I finally look at him.

"You. Boys. I fall for it every time. Every time someone says something or kisses me. I fall for it. The people at my old school were right. I am the girl that loved to easily." I walk away and I can feel Stefan's looking at me.

I sit in my room alone on the floor eating chocolate I snick into my suitcase. The door opens. 

"Go away!" I yell.

"It's me. Joey" Joey explains. He walks over and see me on the floor, he sits next to me and crosses his legs. He takes a piece of hair that was laying near my eye and puts it behind my ear. I look over at him and he kisses my neck. I kiss him back and we move onto the bed. He takes off his top, but it all seemed so harmless. He starts to try and take my long sleeve off and I can't breath. He kisses my neck I stop kissing him and try to focus on my breathing. 

"Can we stop?" I ask as he kisses my neck but he keeps going. "Stop" I say but he just kisses me more and tries to take my top off. My vision goes blurry and my hands start to shake. "Stop! Stop! Your hurting me" I yell. The door slams open and Stefan pulls him off me. He punches him. I sit there seeing shadowy figure move around in the light. Stefan walks over to me and grabs me. He nods his head."I can't breath" I say gasping for air. He picks me up and takes me outside. 

'Your having a panic attack" he explains.

"You think" I say sarcastically. 

"Well its got to know you still have your sarcastic humor. You need to think of something else. Your family. Your friends."

"Not helping" I say trying to gasp for more air. I slide down the wall as I loose my balance and grasp onto the ground as I struggle to breath. 

"Think about your hatred for me. How much you hate me."

"I don't hate you" I say. He smiles with a big cheesy smile. I would smile back if I wasn't in pain. He moves closer to me and kisses me. He pulls away and looks at me. I can just breath naturally and I step up and run off and spend the rest of the day and night in bed.

--

I wake up and see Stefan sitting there. I am confused. "We need to talk" he says. I sit up and look at him. 

"Will you be honest with me?" I ask. He nods his head and looks at me strangely. "You said you found a reason to stay. Was it me?" I ask.

"Yes. Will you be honest with me? I want your confession" he asks seriously. 

"I didn't do anything. Confession on what?"

"Me."

"What about you?" I ask concerned. He looks down at my hands and then up at me. 

"I will stop and you will be free. You will now not ever have to look at me and cover the connection we have with anger and hostility. You will now not hate yourself or beat yourself up for the feeling you feel about me. I just want you to answer the question honestly."

"Yes I will be honest with you. If you do what you have said. I will be as honest as you like. I do have feeling for you. But we can't. I can't. I was just starting to get over my past and move on. I have plans and a future of happiness and success. And non of those include a boyfriend or husband."

"I see" he says quietly to himself.

"No you don't. And yes I cover my feeling up with hostility and anger because I hate the way I feel about you. And you promise to stop I will be honest. It would never work between us."

"I promise. I will stop and we will never speak again unless we have to." He looks down and touches my hand. He stands up and looks at me again. He finally walks out and Hailey walks in. She sits next to me on my bed. 

"Love is so damn fickle" she says smiling.

"It wasn't love."

"Crushes are so damn fickle" I laugh and then lay my head on her shoulder.

"Did I do the right thing?" I ask.

My opinion: no but for you: yes."