I Need You

just don't care

Rydels pov:
Ellington still wouldn't let me out of his sight,often. I was allowed to go to the bathroom alone...sometimes.
That day,i went to the bathroom,but Ellington followed. I shut the door,forgetting to lock it,and started searching through the drawers. Ellington stuck his head through the door,"you know,if you didn't want me to find out what was going on,you should have locked the door." "I forgot." I said. "Look. You can be mad at me all you want. That's fine. But don't say you have no idea what I'm talking about." The truth say,i did know. Ellington didn't tell me his secrets. I was pretty much okay with it. "I'm not mad. I just..it sucks knowing that I could come home one day and you'll be gone. Just like that...just like everyone else.." My voice trailed off...remembering my brothers who hadn't spoken to me in forever. "Its not like I can control this." he snapped back at me. "That's why you need help." "Well I'm not going to. I'm not going through the whole,put him in the mental hospital,debate again for nothing!" oh great..the yelling was back. "Im sorry I brought it up." "yeah" I paced the floor,unsure of what was about to happen. "Rydel. Stop. Its not a big deal." "it is a big deal." "Its not a big deal until I'm dead." "it's a big deal because you want to die. I want to fix it but I cant."
"Well if you hate it so much file for divorce!!" "I never said that." "you dont have to!! Its obvious to everyone that you hate this!! So just leave!" What I wanted to say was,"you're right. I dont WANT to have the anxiety attacks that I have everyday but I am willing to go though them for you! So stop yelling at me every time I say something that you dont like!" but instead,i just apologized...over and over again.
"I'm sorry..I promise I'll be a better wife and be more supportive. Please..please..forgive me."
"mhm." was all I got.
I gently rubbed his scarred up arm. Then something came over me. Some kind of reminder,of why I had to take it..I had to deal with this because no-one else would,no-one else could take it so I had to do my best.
"Do you need anything?"
He shook his head.
"Well..tell me if you do."
"Can you stay with me?"
"Of course." I climbed up in the bed next to him,and he pulled me closer to him.
We eventually fell asleep in that position.
When Ellington woke up,i whispered "I love you" in his ear. "I love you too." He responded.
"Thank you"
"For?"
"Loving me..even when I make you super mad"
"Sorry I get mad."
"Its fine..I'm a frustrating person."
"No you're not"
"You don't have to lie to me. I know."
"I'm not lying."
"Well"
"Im not."
"I know. But I know that I make everyone hate me to some extent. So it's okay."
"rydel. seriously, I don't hate you."
"I know. But you will."
"oh my god just stop."
"Sorry..I'm Sorry."
"You're not sorry. If you were you would stop."
I didn't answer him..I needed to learn when to shut up.
"So please..stop."
I nodded.
"Sorry." he said sincerely.
I shook my head,implying that he shouldn't be.
He sat up,sighing.
I looked up,"Do you think we can get through this?"
"I dont know."
"Oh.."
"I think we can. We may have to go to counseling...and if that's the case,we will do it."
I was okay with that. I just wanted us to be okay. Everything was getting harder by the minute. I didn't have anyone to just rant to. Ellington was in the state of mind for it,my brothers didn't talk to me anymore,and basically Ellington was my best and only friend. I hugged Ellington as tight as i could. "I love you." "I love you too."
It used to be easy to say "I know." because i did know he loved me. But that day ..he pinned my biggest insecurity on me. Being the worst wife ever. He always told me I was wrong about that but his mind seemed to change. He also mentioned the "d word". Divorce. Ellington wasnt Ellington anymore..and it was left up to me to fight alone.

((Oh no,another fight. Quick question,who's side are you guys on? Honestly I'm on noones side. But I wanna know if you think Ellington has a right to yell at Rydel or do you think that Rydel was only trying to help so Ellington just needs to calm down. Answer in the comments! Thanksss xox-emilee))