Chapter Five:
“I love you, Samantha…” I kept reliving those words, that moment, over and over again in my head that night. I kept pacing back and fort with the look of her face flashing right before me. I could see her eyes, the shock in her face and the way her mouth just opened slightly. I kept hearing her gasp. The sound her keys made when she stopped only to look at me. I kept hearing the sound the trees produced as one of the coldest winds brushed against their leaves. Even now, I kept trying to figure out what she was thinking the moment I said it. “I love you, Samantha…” I was greatly aware of what I have done. I knew that it had started something big, something wild and strong. But I honestly didn’t regret it.
It was getting late. I sat quietly in my room, continuously tapping my pen on my desk, spending not minutes, but hours thinking about it. Thinking about her. And completely forgetting that I had a world history exam the next day—I had an A on that exam, just so you know—but taking it felt like forever.
If you must know, telling her that I loved her didn’t change our situation. And if it did, it might have actually made it worse. A lot worse. We still didn’t talk. We still didn’t stop to greet each other at school. If you think that there was a huge wall between us before, well, now the wall just got even higher. I think the only thing that changed was the fact that I wasn’t avoiding her anymore. I would already look at her, hoping that she’d also look back—she didn’t. Whenever I’d see her coming through the corridors, I would no longer stop to face the other direction, but instead I’d go on and continue to where I was heading. But I still didn’t call her. Apparently, I haven’t overcome my fears regarding that area yet. There were times where I’d get my phone, gripping it as if it were a wild animal, as I let my fingers dial Mark’s, PJ’s, sometime even Skylerk’s number. It was like that for days. And I'd feel really stupid about it.
Now in school, we were required to wear these thick coats and their matching ties that were supposed to make us look sophisticated. But it was annoying because it gets really hot sometimes, and most of us didn’t like it. The girls had jackets too, for your information, but the school were more loose on them, since their sweaters—which was another thing! I mean, how can you have a shirt, long sleeves, a sweater and a jacket on all at the same time?! It was freaking HOT! No wonder we would always seem to lose a few pounds everyday— was a little bit more fashionable than ours.
One day, the students were called in for an immediate meeting. One thing I loved about those meetings was the fact that the auditorium was really cold. Makes you want to thank the school for their frustrating rules. I was on my way inside when I saw Samantha standing beside one of the doors with her friends, Jane and Audrey. She looked beautiful, as always and her smile makes you want to forget the world. But there was something wrong that time. Something off balanced. Though she seemed to be enjoying herself, her face looked a little puzzled, and for a moment, I wondered why, then later, I knew.
She was continuously rubbing her right arm as she laughed all throughout their conversation. I could sense it in her eyes that she looked a little uncomfortable. As I continued to stare at her, squinting my eyes a bit, I realized that she didn’t have a jacket, or even sweater on, only those long sleeved blouses and that wasn’t enough.
I was now stuck with a dilemma. Should I approach her and offer my jacket? Or should I just go on and act as if I never even saw anything—though I knew I can never really act as if I didn’t see anything.
It had been a few moments when I realized that I have been standing there for quite some time, and people were beginning to stare, sadly except her. It was then when I decided to just go inside.
I hated myself for doing it. I felt like such a coward. And as I approached my seat, this huge thought came to me, and I found myself really wrestling with it. I couldn’t concentrate, even when Mark started talking to me about how interesting the World History was, but still, it was like I couldn’t hear him. The words that were wondering inside my head seemed to block his’ out. And it didn’t take too long before I changed my mind. I guess I just love her that much. I took a huge breath, stood up, and went to where Samantha was, hoping that she’d still be there. I got up without even saying a word, but I didn’t offend Mark, don’t worry. He gets it. Anyway, I tried to race myself through the group of people that was going against me, good thing no one got hurt. When you’re a jock who stood around 6’1, doing it was a little easy.
