Chapter Thirteen:
If everything’s not fine, I promise you, I’ll be here
Just keep in mind to hold on tight, and I’ll always be here
Don’t be scared, it’s alright, I’ll protect you with my life and so tonight
Across these skies, I’ll take you home,
For in my heart, is where you belong,
I’m looking forward to the day, you’ll spend with me
Till then I’ll be dreaming, until you’re here with me
On the road I chase, the answers why were meant to be
Tomorrow will be fine, coz I know that you’ll set me free
I keep thinking about spending a whole day with you
Today, tomorrow, always and forever, just us two
Complete my day when that comes,
Don’t be scared, it will come,
I’m looking forward to the day you’ll spend with me
I’ll be dreaming just for now, until you’re finally here with me
I wrote this song in 2004, the night before Samantha first went off to London to pursue her medical degree. I was sixteen at that time and she was eighteen. And I remember how broken I was to the fact that she was leaving. To the fact that she was putting our relationship on hold because she was scared of what might happen next. Yes, I know promises were made, and it was also represented by us exchanging our purity rings and all but it still destroyed me. It drained me of my strength and robbed me of my absolute joy. And I started resenting my life. But then it hit me, a painful blow in the head as I began to realize something that changed the course of my perspective forever. I mean, I wasn’t the one leaving, you know? I wasn’t the one who gave up all these things that made me very happy just because I made this commitment years ago, to chase a long time dream of mine. Removing the veil from my then darkened eyes, I realized that Samantha was even more destroyed than I was. And I was being selfish to not think about it…..that’s when this song came along.
As I wrote it, I thought about her. I thought about the pain she was going through and I thought about wanting to take it all way. I thought about encouraging her, telling her how everything is going to be fine. That she’ll always have me and that I’ll never leave her. Then the words just started to flow. Then I thought about the other things that inspired me about her; her smile, the way she made me feel, the feeling I get whenever I look into her eyes. The feeling I get when she’s around! This song wasn’t just any song… This song was a promise. A vow that no matter what happens, I’ll always be here. And when her world starts falling apart, I will hold her. That within a span of forever, she could always count on me.
I can’t believe that it has been two years since that day. And the feeling I feel right now had grown worse. Standing alone in our house, it felt so weird to be reliving that exact same moment again. The piercing pain. The revolting anguish. The heartbreak and the feeling of not having her right beside me… I mean, looking at our wedding pictures, our videos together and her flawless white dress that was still neatly placed on top of our bed, every breath felt like a sharp knife that continuously stabbed me. The more I breathe, the weaker I felt. And within a matter of minutes, I found myself not being able to move at all. But I knew I had to be strong. I knew I had to stand firm and be the rock in our relationship. Though it was hard, I knew I had to endure. Though I felt as if my life was slowly fading away, I told myself that this was just a storm—a storm that would soon pass. Then I did the most noble thing. I began to kneel down and pray.
