Chapter Sixteen:
I have known Samantha Nicole David for more than ten years now. We started out as strangers, two very different people, just minding their own business and how they would fit in the world. Then we went on to becoming friends, later best friends, and now I am married to her. I can’t say that what happened between us didn’t hurt, because it did. And I can’t say that I don’t remember everything, because I still do. Like scars, you know? They’re just there. And you know very much that they’re there and why they are there. But the thing is, they will never hurt you anymore.
The way I see it, these scars will not be with me to remind me of the all the pain and sufferings those gloomy times have caused me, but rather will serve as a reminder of how I—we—overcame it. For even though I would so often try to relive that distant memory of mine, it wouldn’t matter. Because you see, I will never change my relationship with Samantha for the world.
In the morning of May 19, 2007, I sat alone in a darkened room like lost little boy, still grieving viciously as I did my best to figure out what exactly went wrong. I have been seeking God all morning. Praying. Pleading. Desperately asking Him for answers, but surprising me, He was silent. My cries turned into loud sobs, maybe the loudest they’ve ever been. I sobbed and sobbed until I found myself not being able to breathe. Like there was this huge, heavy iron plopped on the top of my chest, crushing the very bones within me.
Wanting to ease this awful feeling, I finally decided to turn the TV on to re-watch the speech she gave last April—one which I recorded. It was the only hope I had left. That maybe we still had a fighting chance. Because you see, when she stood there in front of the whole world, she introduced herself as Samantha David-Jacobs and if you would zoom in a little closer, down to her left finger, you’d notice that she was still wearing her wedding ring. I must have watched this clip for over a million times now, rewinding and pausing over and over again. Each and every time a little more painful than the last.
I noticed how she had a haircut that day, and it was styled in a way that I have never seen before. It was hanging loosely over her shoulders with two slightly thick strands of hair on both sides braided to the back of her head. The sight of her was amazing, especially whenever she would put that smile on her face. (Though it wasn’t the kind of smile she would normally use when something excites her.) The things is, for the longest time that I’ve known Samantha, I’ve learned that she has eleven smiles. Yes. Eleven different, yet beautiful smiles that took my breath away. And the smile that she had on that day was the one that says ‘I’m okay, don’t worry. I can do this. I’m going to be fine.’ Though it wasn’t exactly one of my favorites, it was still enough to make any guy’s heart melt. I was torn apart—yes, and I was deeply hurt by all of it, but there was never a day that goes by where I wouldn’t be proud of her. Watching that video still made me smile to myself despite all the tears that were escaping my eyes. That’s my wife on national TV, and she still carries my name.
I spent the next few hours watching our wedding videos, we both looked so happy that day. A day of perfection and overflowing joy. And again, I cried. It sucks being this tall, buff guy who just cries. I score a six pack, for crying out loud! But then again, people have to know that the feeling of desperately wanting someone back is enough to tear even the strongest man apart. The pain I was feeling was starting to become unbearable now, and with that, I eventually turned the screen off.
There in deep silence, I started to burst out into tears….again. I cried as loud as I could, and before I knew it, I was already on my knees, crying even more, begging God to fix things. Asking Him why He had been so silent. Why hasn’t he been answering me back. Then I started stating bible verses, saying them out loud. I started reminding myself—and Him—of who He is and who He was. That He is a God and He is real and He fixes broken relationships and I won’t stop until He fixes mine! Then when I was about to lose it, when everything was about to turn black, all of a sudden my phone started to ring. Immediately, I stopped what I was doing and just froze. Because right before my very red, swollen eyes, appeared a picture that I have been waiting to see for a really long time. And without even thinking about it, I got up and answered the call.
