Young Justice Oneshots

Sleeping Birdy pt. 4

"Isn't it wonderful, Harls?" The Joker spun in his office chair, arms open wide.

Harley nodded earnestly. "Sure is, Mistah J. Who would have thought getting Bruce Wayne and son as a hostage would be this easy?"

"It's a damn good thing we found Tetch's old stash, or we would have been caught before Moe here made it in the door!" Joker gestured to a passing henchclown (complete with bowl cut) as he spoke, grinning his usual grin.

"That's right, boss," Moe agreed.

"Mister Joker, sir?" Another henchclown asked, this one with large curly hair, his bald friend staring at his shoes. "Where is it that you wanted us to put the lounge furniture?"

"I told you twelve times, you simpletons!" Joker stood and threw a priceless bust at their heads. "Put the couches in truck seven!"

"Yes, sir," the curly haired henchclown whimpered as the two of them left.

"Morons," Joker grumbled. "Honestly, who's a guy gotta kill to get good help these days?"

"They just don't make 'em like they used to," Harley agreed, shaking her head.

"And when the hell is the Bat going to get here?!?" Joker continued, as if he didn't hear her. "I mean come on already! What's it take to get a guy interested these days..."

"Crap," Tim whispered from the rafters. "I knew we shouldn't have left the house. All it did was give them what they wanted..."

"Relax, kiddo," Wally said, slapping Tim on the back. "I would've done the same thing. Besides, Daddybats can buy you new furniture!"

"Will you shut up?" Jason grumbled over the comms. "What's our plan here?"

"I think we should start with my idea from earlier," Donna's clear voice cut into their ears from down in the Batcave. "I guess Vic and I can make our way up to the main ballroom, and I think Tim and the boys should make the initial--"

"Oooh, look, Harls! We have guests!" The Joker was gesturing directly up to Wally and Tim's position, and apparently had a goon operating a spotlight as well.

Tim wasn't fazed. "We have you surrounded, Joker! Call your trucks back and return Mr Wayne's things!"

"Or what?" The Joker gave a short laugh before continuing. "You'll beat me up? Please! You and Kid Obvious over there couldn't stop me if I had my hands tied and my head in a goldfish bowl! Honestly, kids these days..."

"You got that right, Mistah J!" Harley chimed in. "These kids could never take you down"

Wally sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. "This is just sad. I mean seriously, Red Robin, people always underestimate us. What is up with that?"

"In fact," said Koriand'r as she walked through the front doors of the ballroom, "I think this puny clown would do well to tremble in fear."

As the two spoke, all of the heroes in attendance dropped down from their various perches and boxed in the Joker and Harley Quinn.

Joker laughed nervously. "I don't have time for this. Larry, Curly, finish loading the last truck! Harley, would you be a good little psychopath and fight the kids?"

"Well gee, Mistah J, I don't know if I'd call them kids," Harley said as she hoisted her hammer. "I mean look at the gajoongas on the orange girl over there!"

"Oh, just, hit them already!" Joker replied.

And so started one of the greatest super battles in history. Obviously poor Harley never stood a chance against the likes of Kid Flash, Starfire, Wonder Girl and Cyborg, let alone Changeling and three Robins, so the fight lasted little more than three seconds. As the great female clown fell, Changeling turned into a rhino and knocked out Moe, Wonder Girl lassoed Curly, and Cyborg only had to stand in front of Larry to get him to surrender. Tim jumped up and tackled Joker, who burst into a fit of laughter and fear.

"Fix the socialites," Damien started.

"Or we'll fix you," Jason finished.

Joker grumbled from his position on the floor. "Party poppers. There'll be no ice cream for you tonight."

He pulled a button out of his jacket and pressed it, immediately bringing the party guests back to life. Wally and Kori went around to check on the Batfriends as well as Dick and Bruce themselves. The commissioner called Bullock and took statements from the Titans and the Robins, and Barbara gave them all very grateful looks. Unfortunately, Kid Flash had to slip away, but one of Dick's good friends Wally West was able to make it to the party instead.

In short, no one died, the Joker was subdued, Jervis Tetch's equipment was put back in its proper storage locker at the police station, and three standoffish little sons of Bruce's learned a little lesson about cooperation.