The Most Painful Life

Chapter 7 - Changing For The Man I Love

I was looking at myself in the mirror after I'd finished work, trying to get used to my hair. It was shorter, just below my shoulders, and plain brunette. I didn't like it. In fact, I hated it. But maybe Zack would be more attracted to my new look, that was my aim anyway. I hadn't worn any eyeliner either today, the only time I didn't wear it was when I went round to Zack's house.

Just then my phone rung, it was Zack. I smiled and answered instantly.

"Hey, Charley." Zack said down the phone, he sounded nervous, I was instantly worried.

"What's up?" I asked. He cleared his throat, reluctant to continue. He paused and I waited paitiently for the inevitable bad news, but instead I was pleasantly surprised.

"I was wondering if you fancied going out tomorow? That new indian restaraunt looks really nice, and I really wanna go.. so yeah, fancy coming?" He asked quickly.

"Yeah sure! I liked the look of that place too." I smiled, though he couldn't see me. "Oh, Zack! Guess what!" I said excitedly, hoping he'd like the idea of my appearance being more normal.

"What?" He replied, I could tell by the tone of his voice he was grinning.

"I've got a new hairstyle." I said, dragging it out.

"Oh cool! How does it look? Is it nice?" He said.

"Well, it's just past my shoulders now in length... and I'm brunette again..." I said, praying to god he'd act like he'll love it. There was no answer on the other side of the phone.. I wondered if he'd put the phone down on me, but before I could check, he started to talk again.

"Why?" He asked simply.

"Fancied a change, I guess."  I shrugged. I was beyond dissapointed that he didn't seem happy about my change. I only did it for him, I hated my new hairstyle.

"I'm sure you look gorgeous, as always. But I'll miss your old hairstyle. I can hardly remember you as a brunette, it's been so long. I bet you'll have loads of guys after you." He laughed. I blushed as he said I look gorgeous, thanking god that he couldn't see me. If only he knew the only guy I wanted 'after me' was him.

"Yeah right." I laughed.

I promised him I'd meet him tomorow at 6 outside my apartment, we said our goodbyes and he hung up. I took myself back to looking in the mirror. He didn't seem too enthusiastic about me being brunette again, but he liked the more normal type of girl didn't he? I looked through my wardrobe for something to wear for tomorow night. I pulled out all my band shirts and anything with skulls on it and threw it on the floor. I pulled out anything black, and anything too brightly coloured. I'd pulled out almost everything from my wardrobe. A light pink pleated skirt, and a ruffled white vest caught my attention. I'd only worn them once, at a dinner party my mother made me go to with her work collegues, because my sisters and father wouldn't go. I never liked to let her down, and she'd told me I had to 'dress to impress'. Remembering her discription of the outfit I'd worn that night, I pulled out the outfit and looked for the mathching pink pumps to go with it. I put them on the end of my bed and put the rest of my clothes back into the wardrobe.

I wondered if it was stupid, changing myself just so my best friend would like me as more than just his best friend. But then I realised I'd do anything to make him love me. I needed him so bad, and now I'd had a taster of him, I needed him in so many different ways. It was getting late, so I decided to get some sleep. Tomorow was certain to be eventful.

I got ready for work in the morning in my usual clothes, skinny jeans and my guns n roses top. It was raininy heavily, so i threw on my waterproof and headed out into the rain. Surprisingly, I saw Leo parked next to the door of my apartment block.

"Hey." I smiled at him. "What're you doing here?" I laughed. He looked at me shocked.

"Wow. You look really different! I can hardly even tell it's you! I love it though" He laughed and winked at me. "Here. Saturday, 9pm, University gates. Be there." He smiled and handed me three tickets to his show he was talking to me about the other day. I smiled and thanked him for them, stuffing them into my back pocket. He offered to drop me off at work, since it was raining, and I accepted. Although I was changing myself for Zack to love me, I still had feelings for Leo, even though they were no where near as strong.

"I'll meet you after the gig, if you want?" He offered.

"Sure. I'll be with two of my friends though, I'm sure they'd love to meet you." I smiled.

"Okay, I'd like to meet them too." He said before dropping me off outside work.

I walked into the shop and took my coat off and hung it up.

"Hey, Charley. Love your hair!" Amie, a girl who worked with me, and who I loved dearly, shouted at me. She hadn't seen me yesterday and bounced over to me to touch my hair. Amie was really energetic, always. She was the life and soul of the party, she loved to dance and it was her life long ambition to open her own dance studio. She had long black hair, scraped back into a pony tail, she was lightly tanned and didn't wear any make-up at all, and yet she was still beautiful. I envied her, she could get any guy she wanted. If I looked like her, I bet I could get Zack.

Except for Zack and Kurt, Amie was one of my closest friends, especially at work. There were a couple of other girls working here, but I didn't talk to them much. I didn't hang around much with Amie outside of work, but she always made me smile when I was down. She knew a lot about me, but she had no idea about Zack. Thinking about Zack made me smile without noticing, and Amie noticed.

"What's got you smiling so much?" She nudged me in my side. I snapped out of my daydream and looked at her seriously.

"Oh.. nothing." I smiled.

"My balls it's nothing! Who is he? Theres someone on your mind!" She sang, jumping around me and serving another customer.

"Okay, I'm just excited for tonight. My best friend and I are going to that new indian in town. That's all." I smiled, but she didn't look convinced.

"Your best friend? You mean Zack!? Zacks taking you out on a date!?" She squealed. For a second I thought she knew how much I loved him, but it was impossible, I hid it too well. Didn't I?

"No! Fuck, no. It's not a date! Calm down, Amie!" I almost shouted at her, trying to shut her up.

"Bullshit. You fancy the pants off him. I can tell." She replied. I felt my skin tense up and go pale white.

"W-what? H-h-how do y-you.." I stuttered, but couldn't get the words out properly.

"It's soooo obvious, Charley! The way you talk about him, I've known for ages!" She confessed.

"Shit." I said under my breath.

"Spill everything." She demanded. I spent the next two hours going over how I'd met Leo and went on a date with him. How I'd fallen for Leo, but I'd been in love with Zack for 4 years. I then accidently told her about how me and Zack got a little too carried away on wednesday night.

"Holy fucking shit. So, let me get this straight." She said after I finished answering every question she shot at me about Zack. "He fucks you when he's drunk, or he could have been sober, you can't know, you were too drunk yourself.. But anyway, he fucks you then asks you to come for a meal with him? C'mon girl, face it, he fancies the shit out of you!" She practically screamed in my face. I smiled and gave her a big hug.

"I really hope so, Amie. You have no idea how much I love him. It's been great to let it all out today though." I said honestly. It felt good to tell someone how much I really loved Zack, and I had a feeling that me and Amie were going to become a whole lot closer because of it.

"It's good to get it all out of your system. I just can't believe I'm the first one you've told! It must've been torture to have kept all them feelings bottled up for all these years." She said, I had to agree. It felt to much better to get it all out in the open. And now Amie had given me a little bit of hope that Zack might actually like me. But I couldn't help letting the fact cross my mind that he might feel guilty for the other day, and be trying to make it up to me by taking me out to dinner. I dwelled on the little details way too much.