Loved.

Ch. 1

Everything was different now, so much changed. I knew dad was trying but somehow he wasn't the same. I knew that losing someone so significant would be heartbreaking. But I lost her also, she was my mom. Yet I pushed the pain away, I suppose that it wasn't very healthy to do that but I had no other way to cope. I lost my mother, my leader and my best friend. Tanisha Stewart, my mom. I was struggling too, but father wasn't there for me like I wish he was. I felt barren, cold and incomplete. I had no other siblings to grieve with or comfort and no one to comfort me. Sure there were family members but none were my dad who spent his days in his room looking at mom's picture. Exactly 105 days after mom's funeral dad started to pull his self together. I guess things do get better after time I only hope that I wouldn't feel like this anymore. I was only 16 I had years to come till I would do important things in the world. And my mom wouldn't be there to see it. I looked probably like a mess, inside and out I was. I knew that if I were to ever once love life as I had before. Well what I had loved before, before everything happened I always had trouble with my appearance I was insecure. Lots of girls my age were, I hated looking in the mirror seeing my body, I really wasn't that fat I had something there but not enough to be fat nor skinney. I had these days were I felt like absolute crap, sat in my room listening to sad songs and cried. I would look in the mirror completely disgusted with my self. I didn't ever think of self harming but before you know it I had began. I didn't do it a lot probably every month or so. Only because those were the times that my state of mine was much worse. I don't cut as often but I feel the need to now as ever. I struggle with it because I know mom would be dissapointed in me. But again before you know it I began this time. And I didn't realize that this choice would change my life forever.

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Author note:

I would like to say that I do not promote self harming or any harm done to the body. If you are not comfortable with this I would advise you to stop reading as this story has self harming and depression. I would also like to say that I merely am writing fan fiction entirely from my imagination. And had worked hard on creating this story. So please do not steal this I do not take copy writing lightly. And I would like to also say that I merely am writing there personalities for this story. The boys, Julian, Jovani and Geo and Mario are amazing people! Also if you would like to follow my fan account on instagram it is holy_jovani it would mean the world to me if you did! Love you guys so much and please give my story a chance.