lolita | bellerín

fading

"speeds so fast,
felt like I was drunk
city lights lay out before us
and your arms felt nice
wrapped around my shoulders
and i had a feeling
that I belonged
and i had a feeling
that i could be someone"
---------

Salome lay on Hector's couch and listened as he argued back and forth with someone on the phone, his voice raised and angry. She felt beyond sick, and had been trying to go to sleep, but she couldn't do so with her boyfriend screaming in the kitchen.

So she listened.

"No, I don't want to. I won't do it."

"I don't care how much they're offering me, I'm not ready to make the move."

"I've barely spent two seasons with Arsenal!"

And, finally, Hector cursed the person he was on the phone with before hanging up and throwing it on a cushion as he then sat in the seat next to the couch, where Salome lay. "How do you feel?"

"I'm alright." She muttered, staring at the black television screen. "Who called?"

"My agent." Hector scowled, running a distressed hand through his hair. "He made a shit move."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he did something without asking me for my permission, and now it can't be undone." Hector muttered, glancing at the ceiling. "You're too young to really understand, but to put it in simple terms...he sold me off."

Salome frowned. "To who?"

"Munich." Hector muttered, his entire body burning with anger. "He sold me to a club in fucking Germany."

Salome placed a hand on her stomach. "You're going to leave me?"

Hector closed his eyes and ignored her question. "I don't really know the details of the move, but—"

"I'm pregnant." She murmured, her entire expression remaining unfazed. Hector barely flinched himself. It wasn't that he wasn't totally shocked; he just couldn't really act as though he had taken every measure possible to make sure this wouldn't happen.

He opened his eyes and sighed in exasperation. "And you say this because I'm the father, right?"

"Fuck you, Hector."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Sí, puta." Salome scoffed. "I'm pregnant with your child. Don't worry, I wish that I wasn't, too."

"For how long, Salome?" Hector turned his head to face her. She looked completely hopeless as she fiddled with an old sweater of his and stared into the void of nothing, causing Hector to feel a little guilty for not maybe being a little happier to learn that he was going to be a father. Especially because he loved Salome. He loved her enough, at least.

"I don't know, alright?" Salome felt her eyes burn. Honestly, getting pregnant at this point in her life had to have happened at the worst and most inconvenient time ever.

Hector sighed. "You want to keep it?"

"If you want me to get rid of it, Hector, then I will." She spat, curling up. Hector wanted to lay with her or hold her in his arms, but maybe she was right about some of the things she'd said hours earlier; maybe his love for her was waning. It wasn't even a matter of maybe, because it was just obviously true. It was a matter of how quick. Would it last until the baby came?

"No, I don't want that." He stated, shaking his head. "This is just...a surprise, that's all."

"Look, Hector, I'm going to go home." Salome muttered, sitting up. "And I'm going to leave you to get your feelings sorted out, and everything. I'm not feeling very wanted here and I feel like shit already, okay? So I'm just going to go."

"But...no, you don't have to." He spoke, with a pout. "If you stay, we can figure it out together."

"Quite frankly, Hector, I don't want to think about it right now. I don't even want to keep it. You're going to leave me and my mother will die soon. I haven't even graduated high school and I'm not going to college, so I don't know how I'll be expected to make a proper living. I won't be able to care for myself, let alone a baby." Salome's harsh, true words cut through the air like knives as they found Hector's ears.

Hector got up and ran to catch up to Salome as she made her way to the door. Quickly, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her away from it. "Then where the hell are you going, Salome? I'm still here."

"So?"

"So, I love you." He stated. His voice wasn't filled with the same exuberance or excitement that it once held, but it was filled with something. Empathy, and pity. He'd knocked up a seventeen year old, and now he had to deal with it.

"No you don't." She found herself scoffing cynically and furrowing her eyebrows in a piteous manner. "It is possible to stop loving someone, Hector. I get that you're realizing right now that this was all just a terrible idea. I am, too. Do you ever wonder what would've happened if I wasn't so short and could easily reach that stupid box of cereal at the grocery store three years ago?"

"Salome, don't be so ridiculous." Hector placed his hands on her shoulder. "I never said I was giving up on you, now, did I?"

"No, but things don't need to be said in order for them to be implied."

"I'm not giving up on you, then. See? I said it."

Salome scratched the top of her head. "I need to go, Hector. I'm sorry."

Hector's face crumbled as she stepped out of his hold. She quickly left his house without another word, and that was it. There was no telling, for the Colombian, if she would ever come back, and as much as she wanted—and needed—to, her best bet was on the assumption that she wouldn't.