heart strings

chapter 21

Mark's POV

"Mark, it won't be ok, you'll leave me, Mark, please... you can't do that to me..." Jack gasped out.

I sank down on the bed in my hotel room. I couldn't think, I couldn't breath. 

He knows.

I wasn't sure what to say. I tried to catch my breath as my heart broke listening to Jack sob on the other end. All I wanted was to be there with him. 

I felt tears prick my eyes, but I scrubbed them away roughly. All I could do was sit and listen to Jack try to calm himself down. I felt like I just killed Jack. I felt like I fucking went and murdered him. 'I feel like shit' doesn't properly describe how low I felt.

How did he find out? Is he ok? Is Trina ok? 

Jack got quiet after a few minutes and all I heard was some sniffing. Finally, finally, I managed to get three words out.

"I love you."

Jack didn't even hesitate in responding. 

"I love you too." 

"Sean..." I began. My voice cracked. I was on the verge of tears.

"Sean, I'm fucking dying. There's nothing I can do and I would do damn anything to be able to grow old with you. I want to spend my whole life with you. You are my whole fucking world Sean. And I cocked everything up. I don't want to leave you ever. And I'll love you until the damn moment I die. My life was nothing until you showed up and I'm so fucking grateful... Thank you for always believing in me Sean." 

I found myself violently sobbing once I finished. And Jack was too.

"M-Mark, Oh my God. I really fucked things up. I shut you out and I never should have I don't know how I can survive without you, you saved my fucking life. I could never repay you and I've just been a complete dick and I don't know how you could ever love a fuck up like me. You are the first person to love me for me and I am really damn grateful... I don't know how I can go on living when-wh-when..."

He burst into tears again. My heart was shattered and all I wanted was to be there with him right now. I wanted to hold his small, callused hands and stare into his crystal blue eyes. I wanted to kiss his soft lips and hug his small, frail body. I wanted to savor every moment because, as cheesy as it is, any moment could be my last. And fuck it, I wanted to spend all of them with Jack.

I wanted to see Trina and see her face light up when I walk in the door. And have her blabber on about her day and have her show me her art projects and help her with her homework. I wanted to kiss her forehead and take her out to the zoo so she can see the lions. (Her favorite animal) I wanted to read her stories and tuck her in bed, but I couldn't. 

Fuck this, I was coming home right now. 

I shot Ryan a text, telling him I had to go home right now, it was an emergency. (Daniel's mom's funeral was yesterday and my flight was supposed to leave tomorrow afternoon.)

Technically, it was. 

"Sean. I need to go right now, and you need to pick up Trina you're late. But I love you and this sob fest we've been having."

"Mark you dick." Jack said, laughing through his tears.

I laughed too. 

"I'll call you when I get home, ok Mark?"

Heh. He'll be so surprised that I'm coming home early. 

"Yea that'd be good, I love you doof. I always have and I'll never stop. You can get through this I promise."

"Love you too nerd. I don't know Mark, losing the thing most important to you is pretty fucking devastating."

I sighed. I felt light headed and very tired. 

"I know how you feel, I'll be losing you too."