Wait

I love you, I hate you

"The point is that although love may die, what is said on its behalf cannot be consumed by the passage of time, and forgiveness is everything." ~Charles Baxter, The Soul Thief

Taehyung awoke to the sound of his mother shuffling around his room, folding clothes and cleaning up. He winced, sitting up in his bed with a cracked voice "mom..? What are you doing?" She glanced over her shoulder, a gentle smile on her lips despite her obvious fatigue "just doing some of your laundry. It's past noon Taehyung, you finally slept all night..." She trailed off, gaze cast somewhere far away as she recalled all of the sleepless nights her son had endured. Taehyung sighed, wiping his eyes to adjust to the lighting "I guess so... Mom you don't have to do laundry and all that stuff for me, you need to rest at some point.." Minutes passed by in silence as she put away the fresh load of laundry before approaching her sons bed and taking a seat on it. She smiled tiredly, brushing her hand across his chin "Taehyung, I get plenty of rest. I'm just worried about you.." His eyes wandered to the side, guilt washing over him in a wave. He was the source of his mothers stress, she was tired from taking care of him. Not to mention all of the hospital bills, and future funeral expenses... He was going to bankrupt his own parents. But being the observant woman she was, Taehyung's mother gripped his hands in her own with a stern tone "don't do that. I know you're blaming yourself, stop it." He blinked in surprise, turning his attention to stare in awe at his mother "h-how do you know what I was-" she abruptly shook her head, cutting in "you're my son aren't you? I know you better than you know yourself Taehyung. I don't want you blaming yourself, none of this is your fault...." Her voice cracked, eyes beginning to water as she went on "it's no ones fault, my baby is sick, I'm going to do whatever I can to help you get better. Or at least... Make you comfortable.. So don't ever blame yourself!" A few tears escaped, though she quickly wiped them away. Taehyung could only stare in shock, only muttering a quiet "I've never seen you cry.." She sniffled, then huffed to clear her sadness "that's because I never had a reason to until now" his eyes watered, leaning forward to tightly hug his mother, her soothing and familiar coos gently calming him.

When he finally pulled away, he wiped his tears away, grinning softly "you're the best mom ever. I love you, I love you so much.." She smiled, patting his hands "I love you to, now how about I put a movie on and we can watch it together? Just like when you were little" his grin widened, nodding in agreement.

Just as she left the room, Taehyung's gaze wandered to a nearby calendar and he realized that it had been a month since his last day in the dorm. He also remembered that he'd had his phone turned off since that day, afraid his resolve would fail him. Quickly leaning over to his bedside drawer, he slid it open and snatched his phone. His grip tightened around the device a moment as he reluctantly turned it on.

The screen lit up, and he unlocked the phone to see over fifty text messages from various members, dozens of phone calls and even numerous emails. His eyes watered a moment, finger hovering above the text messages 'should I read them? What if I don't want to read what they said..' Nervously wetting his lips, he decided to wait until after movie time. Tossing the phone onto his bedside table just as his mother re-entered the room with a smile "alright, I got some of your favorites! Avengers, Finding Neverland and The Fault In Our Stars.." Taehyung but his lip in thought before grinning "why not all three?" She smiled, chuckling "you are so my son"

Back at the dorm
.
He thread his fingers through in his own hair as his body curled up beneath the sheets in sorrow. Hoseok had finally finished Taehyung's favorite book, The Fault In Our Stars and it made him feel even worse. That was their favorite movie to watch together, he never quiet understood the younger's obsession with it, but he'd grown to love it none the less. A sigh escaped from his lips as his eyes fluttered closed 'I'm so tired of feeling like this... But there's nothing I can do..' Before he had time to register the repeated action he'd grabbed his phone and gone to Taehyung's contact to send a simple text that read "I miss you" It was a habit of his to text the younger once a day, despite the younger obviously ignoring all of their attempts at contacting him. Maybe Hosoek still had hope that his love at least read them despite no reply. Or maybe it just made Hoseok feel like he still existed and wasn't a figment of his imagination after all.