drowning ➶ larry

26. My Senses Fooled Me

Mood: Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier

Louis hasn't came out of his room since he left the hospital. His parents would try and talk to him but he would scream and thrash around wildly until they left. Harry would try and come by but his parents would never let him in.

He hasn't been to school and he doesn't plan to go back. His parents has tried to call a psychiatrist for his problems but he would never say a word when they were near.

Every morning there was a plate of food by his side and every morning he wouldn't eat it.

Slowly, he was shriveling into something indescribable. He was skinny beyond belief and his eyes have lost their beautiful blue color, turning grey and broken.

Louis sat up grudgingly, nibbling at a piece of bread that his mom left earlier that morning. Sometimes he couldn't stop himself from eating.

"You could make this go a lot faster if you just killed yourself." Jace says, crossing his arms. Louis looked down at the piece of bread.

"I already am." He whispers, picking at the bread grimly. He feels completely drained, having absolutely no energy to do much other than lie down and stare at the ceiling with blank eyes.

Jace only gave him a glare before walking out of the room. Louis sighs in relief when he's gone. He only gets a few seconds of peace before his door opens and his mother walks in.

"Lou, baby, how are you?" She asks timidly, walking deeper into the room. Louis rolls his eyes and blinks away tears. She sits on his bed and the small boy flinches, curling into himself.

No one could touch him.

Jay sighs and places her hands on her lap. She stares at her son, wanting to lean over and stroke his hair and hug him but he wouldn't let her anywhere near him.

"Lou, darling, you can't stay in here forever." Louis doesn't answer. Jay sighs and stands up, looking around the room sadly. The room smelled of urine and spoiled food, and Jay couldn't let her son live this way. She wouldn't let her son live this way.

She leaves the room quickly and Louis lets out a relaxed breath, fingers twitching anxiously beside him. He bites his lips roughly, licking his chapped lips. He sits up and stares at the ceiling with a blank expression. He wishes he could leave this place sooner but he can't seem to find anything in his room that will help him achieve that goal.

So maybe, he'll have to drag this out.

****

Harry knocks on Jay's door with aggravation. It's been days and he's yet to see Louis. His Louis. Jay makes up excuses as to why he can't see him, saying he's busy or that he doesn't want to see Harry but he knows those are lies.

He stands by the door, waiting anxiously. He could hear voices inside, people bustling around. He could faintly hear Jay saying not to open the door. The lanky lad becomes angry, raising his hand again to knock when the door opens to reveal Charlotte.

"Lottie, hi." She gives him a tight smile and lets him in. He thanks her and walks inside. Jay crosses her arms over her chest.

"I said not to let—"

"He has a right to see him mum. You can't keep him away." Lottie rebuttals and Harry has never been more happy in his life. She nods to the stairs and Harry thanks her again before dashing up the steps, not paying any mind to Jay.

He makes his way to the top of the stairs, stopping at Louis' bedroom door, taking a deep breath. He could hear the small boy whispering, talking to someone.

Harry breathes in quickly before opening the door. He winces the minute he steps a foot inside. The room smelled of urine, vomit and rotten food. There were broken plates and shattered glass all around the room. Louis was curled in the bed, wearing only a pair of basketball shorts.

Harry could see his spine protruding from his back, making his body look frail and sickening. Harry rushes to his side and falls to his knees by the bed.

"Baby?" He whispers, voice cracking slightly. He looks around the bed, then at the wall where it was pushed against to find scratch marks around its surface. He looks to Louis' fingers to find them bloodied and raw.

"Lou..." Harry tries again.

"Harry." The small boy croaks, not moving his head. 

"Are you—"

"I want you to leave." He says sternly. Harry gives him a confused look, shaking his head.

"What? Why? I want to be with you. I—"

"I'm no good. I don't want to take you down with me." Louis explains, voice terrifyingly steady.

"Bullshit, Lou. You're everything good in this world. I'm not leaving you. I'm staying and I'll help you get better because you deserve that and more." Harry replies.

"I'm not getting better." Louis says, "Can't you see that? This was bound to happen. I'm not...I'm not right. Leave."

Harry can't comprehend the words leaving his lips. He wants to help him, wants to hold him, wants to give him everything but he's blocking him out.

"Lou, please. I can't–I don't want to leave you." Harry begs, tears brimming at his eyes. He wipes them away, forcing himself to stay calm.

"I don't want you to stay with me." Louis tells him, voice wavering slightly. The small stutter was everything to Harry. He knew the boy really didn't want that.

He reaches over, fingers barely ghosting over Louis' bare waist when the small boy flinches away.

"P–Please don't. I–I can't." Harry retracts his hand, standing up.

"Louis, darling, please. Look at me." He pleads. Louis doesn't move for a second, stays in his spot, contemplating his decisions.

Eventually, he uncurls himself, turning to look at Harry. The first thing the taller lad notices were the deep gashes on his thighs. He chokes back tears as he looks up at the small boy.

"Louis, why?" He asks, letting his tears fall freely. He looks into his eyes, hoping to find teary blue eyes staring back at him but all he finds are dull grey eyes and a blank expression.

"I just want to be free of all of this."

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this story is slowly (very slowly) coming to a close *sad tears*