off the map ➳ grayson

o n e

Part one is going to be a flashback. Whoever finds out first what happens, the next chapter is going to be dedicated to them. Enjoy!:)

Part 1: Important decisions.

Oh God, I think I just ruined my life.

Hayden's POV.

Yes, my life is officially ruined. I am upset and happy at the same time. But I don't know what to do, what's best on these kinds of situations. What am I supposed to do now? Keep it? Get ride of it? I'm fifty fifty at the moment. I can't think straight, million thoughts run through my mind right now. Me, him, them.

The kind of state I'm in right now was predictable. A lot of girls in my age with this problem would be anxious, terrified, irritated and joyous with themselves. All those in once. And that's why I had called my friend, my best friend Michaela, who was waiting outside at the moment. I really need her and I know she will know the best for me. Although a part of me wanted my mom by my side, my first though was Michaela. Say it an itchy decision, I don't know. But I'm not a brave person, sometimes. First, I have to plan on my mind how I'm going to say it before I could actually say it.

I opened the door and stared at the waiting look in Michaela's face. She didn't say anything. My face spoke for me. She came near me and hugged me tightly. I needed any kind of support and courage.

''So what will you do?'' She asked me. Well, that's a really god question and I didn't have a really good answer for it. I sighed.

''I-I don't really know.'' I confessed. And it was the true.'' I don't know what I want.''

''It's not only your decision. It's Grayson's too Hayden. Don't forget that.'' She pointed out. I was fully aware that's not only my decision to make. It was his too but at this point I believed it's only mine. I was going to be the only one to decide what's best for myself, for Hayden and only me.

''Yes. You're right.'' I told her as I walked inside my room and sat on my bed. I layed my head on my knees and started crying. That's what I could do. Cry to let all the pain out. Cry like there's no tomorrow. I knew that Michaela had followed me because I felt her hands hug me and whispering to me.

''Don't cry. I'm here.'' Michaela encouraged me. I was so happy and so lucky to have someone like her as my friend. She was everything for me. I was an only child and had no one to express my fears expect her. She was not only a good friend to me but a sister too. The best I could ever ask.

''I can't control it.'' I cried out. My feelings were so messed up.'' This is not what I had planned Michaela. What are we going to do? Move to my house or his? What will Grayson do? Get a job?''

''Don't say it like this is a bad thing.''

''I don't say it like it is a bad thing Michaela. It is by itself.'' I told her pissed.

''Isn't this what were you going to plan eventually?'' She asked me. I lookee her confused. Did she listen to herself? We were only seventeen for God's shake. I laughed at her comment. She was really funny.

''I don't know Michaela, we're only what? Seventeen? If we even were going to plan this it was going to happen to the distant future.'' Like the distant distant future.'' And you know, I had not really thought this far. I don't know even if we are going to be together by then. I haven't even made my mind for school yet.''

''Have you made your mind for him?'' She questioned me. I stared at her for a long time. What was the answer for this? I really truly loved Grayson, with all my heart. I wanted to be with him like forever. He made me smile and laugh. I feel loved with him. But I didn't know if he will feel the same way for me after telling him this. I knew in fact that guys and around our age didn't really want to mess with these things, they were way to immature to take responsibility too.

''What about him? I'm not the only one with plans.'' I told instead. Michaela looked at me not knowing what to say, and she didn't know about Grayson and his life. I didn't think that even he, himself knows what to do with his life.

''Hayden, don't take all the responsibility on you. You didn't do that by yourself.'' Michael kind of yelled at me. I meant I would been yelling at me too because I was being stupid. 

 ''Please stop. I have the right to blame myself for everything.'' I screamed at her and started crying again. I closed my eyes feeling the hot tears run down my cheeks.'' I can't do this. It's really hard.'' I could feel my voice stutter in million pieces. I couldn't blame Grayson for this. I only needed to blame myself.

Heck, I didn't know who I'm suppose to blame. Him or me? Maybe both?

''Okay, but you have to make a decision.'' Michael replied. I laughed at her.

''Don't you think that I know this?'' I yelled again. I didn't want to yell at my best friend but I had a feeling that Michaela thought I'm stupid and a baby.'' I need to think this. Any decision that I make will affect me anyway. If I keep it I will be a teenager mother and if I get rid of it, it will destroy me. For good.''

''Alright.'' She simply said. Perhaps she was not in mood to deal with my behavior. I feltvthe bed shake and I saw her coming next to me and hugging me.'' I just want you to know that I'm here for you, for anything you will ever need.''

''I know.'' I sighed. We rolled down the bed and layed there hugging each other. Maybe it would be better if I had Grayson hugging me at this moment, feeling his heart beat against my ear. Knowing that he will support me and stand by my side. Of course, I loved Michaela the same but it would be different with him here.

I didn't know how long we had been like this but the silence in the room helped me clear things out and think straight. I think I make my mind. I believe it's what's best for me and for Grayson. But it's hard.

I satt up on the bed and Micheal followed me.'' I think that I decided.'' I tol her and looked up at her eyes. I could see the love she had for me, and the truth behind her words. I knew that she will be my number one help.

''So?'' She asked impatiently.

''I will keep it.'' I finally said after a long pause and I saw Michael exhale a deep breath. Was she glad with this?'' But I will leave.''

''What do you mean? Where are you going?'' She askef me with wide eyes. I wiped my tears away and sniffed.

''I will leave from this town. I don't want Grayson to be a part from all that. I can't ruin his life as I will ruin mine. I will talk with my mom. We both need a new start and fresh air.'' I announced. Michaela knew pretty well about the divorce my parents had over a year ago. My mom needed a change in her life, to leave all these bad memories behind her and meet new people.

''Come on Hayden. Don't do that. How can you leave behind what you have built here? How can you possibly leave me behind?'' She questioned me and I couldn't look at her as she said this. I couldn't stand seeing my friend broken. I knew it will be hard to leave her all alone. But she needed to understand that I had no other choice.

''Micha. Please understand me. I will no go far away. You can come and visit me. We will still be best friends. We will keep contact.'' I assured her and saw her start crying.'' Please don't cry. Don't make me feel bad for doing this.'' 

''I can't Hayden. I will going to lose my best friend, my sister.'' She told me annoyed.

''You are not going to lose me. I told you we will still talk. You will visit me.''

''Whatever, I only hope that decision will help you.'' She said as she wiped her tears. I smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

''I think it will. I just want you not to tell anything to Grayson. Not even Ethan. No one. I don't want anyone to stop me.''

''Are you not going to at least tell Grayson you are leaving?'' She asked me shocked.

''Nope. If I do it he will try to stop me and ask me why and all these things. I don't want that. I will just pack my things and leave. Not going to say a single word to him. And if he asks you tell him that we had a fight and end our friendship.''

''Okay.'' She nodded her head.'' I will do anything you want.''

''Thanks.'' I said and I hugged her tightly as I let the tears run down once again. As I let my life slip out of my hands.