the dorm // joshler

twenty-two

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!
self-harm// reminence of past emotional/physical pain
love u guys stay safe & alive |-/

"so, uh, melanie, this is josh, tyler, frank, gerard, pete, patrick, ryan, and brendon." we all smiled towards her and she smiled back.

"its super nice to meet all of you." she said in a perky voice.

"well, we're going to head out, see you guys tonight." and with that, dallon and melanie were gone.

"she seemed nice." pat said with a smile.

"i don't know, she gave me a weird vibe..." pete spoke with a sceptical look.

"come on, pete. this is dallons first girlfriend since junior year. be happy for him." brendon said.

"i guess..." pete said still sounding unconvinced. we all stood in an awkward silence after that.

"hey, um, why don't we all go play mario kart or something?" tyler said while scratching the back of his neck. we all agreed and walked into the living area. all awkwardness was put to rest when the first round started. we had ended up playing for 3 hours. i yawned and looked at my phone.

11:57

tyler and i headed up to our room and changed into our pajamas. we got into bed and tyler nuzzled his head into my chest.

"goodnight, j."

"goodnight, ty."

•••

i woke up and looked out the window, it was still dark outside. i looked at my phone and it said 3:26. i stretched my arms and yawned, then realized tyler wasn't in the bed with me. i got up and walked towards the bathroom. when i got close, i started to hear crying. i knocked on the door, and the crying got quieter. i waited about 2 minutes, and no answer. i gently pushed the door open, and my eyes widened at what i saw.

oh fuck.

tyler was sitting on the floor, leaning up against the counter. his arm had many random gashes in it, and the scars that had been closed, were now opened again. his eyes were red and puffy, and a look of fear graced his features.

"ty-tyler, o-o-oh my, oh my god! are you okay? what happened?" i said, my voiced waivering because of the panic in my veins.

"i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry. i was doing so good, and then, it just all went away. god, i am such a fuck up." he said while continuing to cry.

"ty, baby, no, you aren't. you are amazing and theres no reason for you to do this." i said while getting a washcloth wet and stroking it across the cuts. he winced slightly and i felt my heart shatter.

"i'm so sorry." he repeated over and over. i wrapped his arms and hugged him tightly.

"it's okay, i promise."

i picked him up, being careful of the cuts, and set him down on the bed. i sat next to him and he immediately nuzzled his head into my chest again.

"thank you."

"you're welcome, i love you." i said as i heard tylers breathing mellow. as i lay there with his head on my chest, i thought about tyler. i thought about how i was intimidated by him before we were friends, the first time i talked to him, our first date, the first time i told him that i loved him. my heart skipped a beat and i couldn't help but smile. tyler was good at putting up a front, a mask. he took that mask off when he told me about his past, tonight, he took it off. and i am more than determined to make tyler joseph happy. even if its the last thing i do.