The Impeccable Infinity

Chapter 18

Sometimes when I think about my family and my old life, I get this feeling of gratitude and proudness for having such amazing parents and I realize how lucky I am that they were able to raise me as long as they did. Other days, it makes me sad to know how much they did for me, and how they were pulled away from me without giving me a chance to thank them and let them know how much I appreciated them.

I laid on my bed and folded by hands over my stomach, starring up at the ceiling fan which is moving faster than my eyes can process. Sometimes I felt comfort from staring at the blades making circular motions, because it made me calm down and realize that my life is moving slower than the fan is. It's not exactly logical, but it'll do when I'm panicking.

Today feels like one of those days where I miss my parents. The kind of day where I wish I got a final goodbye before seeing them leave forever. It's not their fault at all, but sometimes I get an overwhelming feeling of disappointment when I think about all I could've done to prevent them from getting in a car crash. It was just the wrong place and the wrong time I guess.

"Hey Haley?" Mute asked, knocking lightly on my door with his knuckle.

I stopped daydreaming and sat up to see his gaze stuck on me. He had a smile smile across his face as he paced across my room and sat on my bed.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, now sitting up and propping my back against the wall so I can sit next to him.

"Nothing really. Are you okay? You looked kind of sad and you've been staring at that fan for about a half hour."

"Have you been watching me?"

"No!" He said quickly, holding up his hands to stop the idea before I got carried away. I know Mute wasn't watching me, but sometimes it's fun to mess with him. 

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay and everything," he whispered.

"Thanks. And yea, I'm okay. I'm just thinking about my old life again."

"That's normal. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. Can you tell me about your family?"

Mute inhaled deeply and ran his hands over his face, trying to regain his composure. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but I would love to know about where Mute's from and everything about his past life.

"Sure. What do you want to know about?"

"Whatever you're comfortable with telling me," I said, repositioning myself to get comfortable before he started telling his story.

"Well, I'm originally from a small beach town with a very small population. I lived there until I was twelve, which is also the age I was when I got moved into this foster home."

"You were twelve?" I asked in awe.

I know I had my parents taken from me at an early age, but twelve? He was so young. I can't think about how hard that was for him.

"Yea, I just turned twelve. I was sleeping over at one of my friends house's and my brother and parents were at home. A faulty wire in the wall malfunctioned and started a flame which set the house on fire."

"But how did your family not notice?"

"My parents were sleeping and my brother was playing video games in the basement with the television turned up all the way. We didn't have any smoke detectors hooked up, and so the second floor caught fire and my parents died from smoke inhalation and then the whole house caved in, crushing my brother."

My eyes widened as I thought about the whole situation. I would never tell him, but Mute diffidently had it worse than me. Yea, my parents died in a bad car accident, but Mute's whole family died and he probably feels guilty for not being home to prevent it.

"I'm so sorry," I said, rubbing his arm to comfort him.

"It's okay. It was a while ago. I try not to dwell on things that I can't do anything about, and it's too late to change what happened."

My eyes teared up as I thought about it. He has a nice way of thinking about the situation, like it's too late to change anything so he might as well enjoy life while he has it.

"What about you?" He asked, leaning closer towards me to hear my story.

Nobody's ever voluntarily asked me about what happened to my parents, this is the first time. My hands shook as I thought back on the dark and terrifying February night.

"Car crash. They died in a car crash," I breathed out, trying to process all of the information.

"I was at home asleep and they were driving home and hit a patch of ice. The car swerved off the road and my dad died in the accident and they weren't able to save my mom at the hospital."

"Haley I'm so sorry," Mute whispered, putting an arm over me and pulling me closer.

"This is hard to talk about, huh?" Mute asked with a small laugh.

I smiled and nodded in agreement, because it is. It's diffidently not something I ever thought I would be talking to someone about. I wasn't in my kindergarten class thinking about how my parents funeral would be something to put on my timeline for 'where I think I'll in the next ten years'.

"They're still with us," He whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"They may not be physically with us. And they may not be at every important event in your life from now on. But, they are with you in sprit. They watch you, and Haley from what I can tell, they would be more than proud of how strong you've been."

I tear up at his compliment. I do truly believe my parents are still with me, they have to be. There's no way they would just let me go and never see me again. I don't know what happens in the after life, but I have some weird sixth sense that they're going to be with me for the rest of my life. Not physically, but spiritually.

"Thank you," I said, leaning closer into his hug.

"It gets much easier Haley. I know you may not fully believe right now that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but there is. This is just the hard part, but your handling it extremely well. Probably even better than I did."

A tear fell down my cheek as I smiled at him. Normally, I would be crying because I felt guilt or I was grieving, but today I'm crying because I have faith. Faith that my parents will always be with me; in some way, shape, or form.

I brushed the tear off my skin and eased away from him, feeling better about the new philosophy I have. It's going to take some time, but at least I have everything Mute told me to believe in.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked, sliding off my bed and standing up in front of me.

I nodded and stood up to give him one final hug, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against my head.

I'm hoping I didn't upset him. I don't want him going into his room and crying after our little conversation, but I don't think he will. I think I made Mute feel better, almost as much as he made me feel better.

He walked out of my room and gave me a final wave before turning into his own room and shutting the door behind himself.

I laid back down and continued to watch the fan. Although the blades of the fan may be moving fast, refusing to stop to enjoy the precious seconds of life itself, at lease my own life is moving slower to a speed where I can understand how lucky I am. Some would take pity on me for being an orphan at sixteen, but I wouldn't. I'm lucky enough to have all I did, and all I have ahead of me. And now I believe that my parents are somewhere, maybe deep and far away in the universe, or maybe standing by me every minute of the day. But either way, at least I can live knowing I'm blessed with all I have; with or without my parents being physically with me.