My real life

My life...

So this is me Kaila is my name all this depression,bullying and drama started when I was well when I was 5-6 😔 *sighs* grade 1 and 2 really I was happy at that time I wasn't depressed yet but there was for sure drama and bullying. I would get made fun of how I do something wrong anything wrong. I would be bullied for being smart sometimes. But really for being me. Grade 3 was my last year at my school and of course I got bullied. Physical, and teased I didn't tell anyone cuz I thought it was just normal for everyone. At least I had some friends. But we would get in fights sometimes. U can say I was like the leader of my group. I liked it then but now I hated that I was. Grade 4 came along. Ohhhh this is where I start getting less happy. I got bullied by my looks, by me, by how I acted. So I changed myself I had too I had to change my personality to fit in. So the person I am today I wouldn't be if I haven't changed years ago. I didn't get bullied as much when I changed. But I got bitch slapped by one of my best friends today Cheyanne. She wouldn't hurt me today but back then yeah she would. Apparently she felt threatened by me cuz I was so nice. Till I changed... I would also feel left out and not included.

Grade 5. I got bullied by this guy named Johnny. He wouldn't physically bully me but he would call me names I don't wanna say them so I'm not gonna. But I had to keep changing myself to fit in to have friends.. It was hard to change me but I did it. I started becoming depressed... I found out about something called cutting on the wrist. So I did I cut. One cut it did sting but I kept going two cut three cut eventually 10 cuts on my wrist... Grade 6 I didn't have to change myself anymore. Cuz I finally got to fit in. But I was still depressed, and bullied and I still cut. Life was getting worse and worse I couldn't take it anymore. One day at my Friend allies birthday party. My friend Maryssa well she's my friend now she decides to say to me "go sleep with John" (Allies brother) i went for a walk around the block with my friend Jessica we were talking about how Maryssa was being rude too us. I told Jess I should go die. I was attempted... I was crying a lot. I told her nobody would care. My parents wouldn't care. They always have been calling me names like stupid, idiot, retard. I never really knew if they were kidding or not. They would call me any one of those names everyday... And they still do. Anyway back to the Maryssa story. When all of us were playing soccer I wasn't. Maryssa felt so bad and said sorry and I won't do it again I believed her and forgave her sort of. I still think about it till this day. It will never be unsaid or forgotten. It will always be in my mind.

Grade 7 (this year) holy shit lots of drama and I'm still depressed 3 fucking years I've been depressed. I still cut... I had to go to a knew school with all my friends cuz my school it went to only went up to grade 6 so yeah. There was a lot of drama but I met some new amazing friends. I don't get as bullied as much but I get left out, Forgotten, pushed around, etc. This year one of my friends Kailey was cutting a lot she would have them places. She showed them to everyone. Then the teachers got involved Kailey and Cheyanne got caught. Someone told the teacher or principle and till this day nobody knows who did. Cheyanne and Kailey had to talk to people. Everyone was getting caught I thought I was next. I did cut this year. But there gone now. I haven't cut for a while. I have this one friend named Harley he is one of my best friends he makes me laugh sort of smile. Idk Y but I can sort of trust him. He is the only person that is ever there when nobody else was. I was crying or cutting and I would be texting him... But then he stop texting me didn't talk to me much. I thought to my self were they all lies that he said to me. Guess I'll never find out...

I can't be my real self I had to change me. If I do something anything wrong I get teased about it. People bug me about it. I have secrets that no one will ever know. If anyone does know my secrets nobody would look at me the same. I would have nobody. Even though it's just me fighting against depression by myself depression is winning and I'm losing.... I have friends but I never know if there true friends or people that just want to know stuff... I fake a smile everyday if u know me u won't notice cuz I'm that good at lying. Fake laughs fake smiles fake me... All I say is I'm fine... When I'm not... Lies I tell lies other people tell..

This year is still going on so I will update on here every so often.