My real life

What did I do?

What did I do to get this messed up life? Did I do something wrong or is it just me? Am I the fucked up one here? Or is it just people or society? I have no idea but the only thing I do know is that I hate being the person I am. I hate being well me. I'm just crying thinking about how people would be better off without me. How people don't care. It's just me, by myself and nobody is there for me. I'm just that depressed girl that people talk about.  Behind my back or just straight up to me. I'm just nothing a nobody and never will be someone that people care about. I'm just there... if people say that they care well they don't care enough. Or is everything just.. Just my fault. Is it? My fault for still being alive. My fault for just being there. My fault for everything I've done. I made everything worse. A waste of space in this world. People might think I'm being depressed for attention. Well I'm not. I'm depressed because nobody even cares I'm just fucking there. I'll be there for everyone but then when I need someone nobody's ever there for me. I hate seeing other people sad that's why I help. Maybe I should just not help. Maybe I should just worry about my self for once. I don't know. I'm too stupid to know. And even if I do stop helping, people will think I hate them or people will just hate me. But when someone try's to help I just push them away cuz they won't understand!!! They don't understand the pain I've been through and all the thoughts I have!!! And if I did tell them they wouldn't know what to do cuz they wouldn't understand!!! I'm just losing everyone that I have, and I keep screwing up with everyone. I do something wrong and they don't talk to me anymore, they don't help me. I just lost them. And I feel like I lost someone and I feel like I lose people everyday cuz I screw up, i do something wrong!!! So in the end it's just me.