Shining Armour.

Ten ~ Rosa

Cassie Evans.

The one reason of my happiness, but also the one reason for all the hurt, the pain and sadness that I had bottled up inside, well until now that is. I took the day off school, to drown in my own tears, in my bed, the one place I really felt I should belong on a daily basis.

My phone was non stop vibrating, literally, someone really must be desperate to want to message me. And I know who that one person would be. The girl I've been avoiding all week. I had no real reason as to why I was avoiding her, except the fact that I wanted her to go through what she put me through. I wanted her to feel just how fucking miserable I felt after she left me like I was nothing.

I got out of bed, after I heard my brother arrive home from school. He stormed around the house, as he always does when he gets home. My mum was standing in the kitchen, on the phone. And my other two brothers were most likely in their bed rooms killing their brains by staring at their devices enough to make their eyes to slowly form into a square shape.

I grabbed an apple from the fridge then returned back to my bedroom and sat at the edge of my bed.

Has this really what my life has come to?

Hibernating in my bedroom because nothing ever seems to go right. Every single day is like an entirely new war to face. Either with myself, or with the world. Nothing was ever right, nothing ever went the way I planned. They say everything starts going uphill when you've been steady for so long, but I've done nothing but deteriorate. 

My relationship with my mother was what I had to face each morning. It was either a good morning, or extremely bad, there was no in between. She'd make smart remarks about everything I do, or she would start to argue with me about something so small that she could just step over instead of picking up to inspect every aspect. Going off my mornings happening, would determine my mood for the rest of the day.

She always had to have me about every god damn thing. No matter what I am doing, I was always doing it the wrong way, or a way she doesn't agree with. Much like my relationship with Cassie. I could mean that in either one of two ways. My relationship with Cassie was always down the bad end, nothing went right. But also, my mother had raised me to grow up and marry a boy, not a girl. 

A different lover is not a sin.

A lyric my own grand mother fixed into my head when we found out a relative was also gay. 

If a different lover is not a sin, then why am I raised in such a way that is supposed to be 'proper' and 'normal'. 

Too much thinking made me tired, and so I threw on my pajamas, climbed into my bed and drifted off to sleep with not one more thought about any of the mess inside my head. 

...

I woke up to my youngest brother heavily walking down the hallway. I guess I had to get up, make an effort and turn up to the place I am supposed to get an education to become something successful in my life. After procrastinating about whether or not to shower, I decided against it and started straightening my hair instead.

I packed all my school stuff into my bag, then took one last look in the mirror and began my walk down to the bus stop, which was literally only a two minute walk, but hey, that's two minutes of freedom away from the house, only to be ruined by the bus to school.

I got onto the bus, and made my way towards the bus to where Cassie was. I may as well start bringing some happiness into my life again by fixing all the bullshit with her. I mean, nothing bad really happen, I just avoided her for no reason at all. I stood next to her seat, waiting for her to move over. She looked to me, grabbed her bag from next to her and shifted a seat over allowing me to sit down next to her.