Real or Not Real

Chapter 3

Dedicated to hijacked__everlark_ thanks for all the comments!

Katniss rolls over in bed and is met with a sleeping form next to hers. She immediately balls her fists to protect herself from the intruder, but stops when he smiles.

"Morning sunshine." Peeta whispers sleepily.

"Peeta." It feels good to say that name. At times when she is with Rose, she wonders if Dr. Aurelias is right. If that world really is reality. Just when she begins to feel like Peeta is drifting away, she sees his smile, says his name, and wakes up beside him. She buries her face in his chest, to hide her tears. His words hit so close to home. "I missed you." Katniss whispers.

"I never left you." He grins at her. "I was here the entire night. I guess the only thing separating us was sleep."

She inhales his scent and smiles at the way it fills her with comfort. A longing she didn't know she possessed is finally filled. "It felt like forever."

They snuggle deeper under the covers and Peeta kisses her once or twice. She seems to loose count. He wonders if she'll always be like this, so attached and confused when she wakes up. He never leaves her at night, but it's as if when she wakes up, they've been speared for eternity. Separate worlds some might say.

"How was your apportionment with Dr. Marion, yesterday?" Peeta asks Katniss.

Peeta was the one to suggest therapy for each other. Something that could help them comprehend and overcome the losses they had endured. Katniss was more then reluctant at first.

"Therapy? Peeta, I don't want to sit in a room with a shrink and tell them about my personal life. You can't make me do that." She says and angrily stands. Peeta follows her into the kitchen and takes her hand.

"I'm not making you do anything, I'm asking you. I think it's time we had help, don't you?" He asks her. She stares at the table and watches as his hands completely cover her own. "Katniss?"

"I don't want to."

"Katniss sweetie, aren't you tired of waking up screaming from nightmares? Because I am. I want to be able to sleep peacefully next to my wife. I want to be able to live my life." He pauses and looks into her eyes. "I need to let go."

Katniss shakes her head. "I don't want to forget. She was our daughter, she is our daughter."

"Please Katniss, just try. For me?" He begs her and she swallows before slowly nodding her head.

Katniss stands and leaves the room but she hears his whisper from the table. "I don't want to forget either."

Katniss turns and looks at her husband, shrugging her shoulders. "It was okay." She replies to his previous question. He nods his head and smiles.

"So any plans for today?" She questions.

Peeta frowns and looks sadly at her. "I thought that maybe we could visit the cemetery. You haven't been in a while."

Katniss turns away and looks outside the bedroom window, longing to have her daughter in her arms. She can't bring herself to go the grave and look at the small cement headstone that reads "beloved daughter". Her body goes into a panic attack and she always ends up leaving. It's too emotional when she knows that in another world her child is okay. But in this one, she isn't.

Peeta trails kisses down her jaw and lands a final one on her lips. "Come on let's go."

They walk side by side, Peeta's arm firmly tightened around her. It makes it awkward for them to walk but Katniss will not tell him to let go. Not when this touch is so gentle and comforting. When they reach the graveyard, Katniss closes her eyes. She feels Peeta kneel his forehead against hers. "Breathe."

It's hard to listen to him but she tries. Everyone in this graveyard would still be alive if she had just died in the arena like she should have. They are all the District 12 people killed in the bombings. The bombs that Snow dropped because of her.

"You'll be okay," he whispers in her ear. He gives her a squeeze, softly brushes his lips against her temple. Then they reach Rose's grave and her heart speeds up to the point where it should take off and leave her chest.

On either side of the grave that belongs to Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen's daughter, are the burial places of Primrose Everdeen and Gale Hawthorne. Rose isn't the only one she lost here.

She softly touches the green bracelet on her wrist and sighs. She wears it to tell the difference between her two worlds. The green means that Finnick and Peeta survived the mutts, but it means that Rose died from the blood Katniss lost, it means Gale was killed when his throat was ripped apart, it means Prim was killed in the parachute bombing while Katniss was recovering, and it means that her mother will never be able to return to twelve.

Katniss shudders when she remembers her loved ones. She saw Gale yesterday in the woods, she touched Prim's hand yesterday. She cant believe these graves when I'm another world these people are alive. The thought that they are not really gone is the only thing that keeps her together. It's the only thing that she manages to cling to.

"We should go." She tells Peeta and he frowns. When he places his hands in hers she leans into his embrace.

"You can't run from them forever." He whispers and she shivers again at the thought.

When they settle down for bed that night, Peeta hands Katniss a letter that is addressed to the two of them.

"You read it, I can't." She tells him.

Dear Peeta and Katniss,
I hope this letter finds you well and that you have been able to find happiness in this life. Living in a free world has certainly done myself and Finnick well. Not to mention our little bundle of joy, Finnick junior. His eyes are just as bright as his fathers and he holds nothing back when he squeals for delight at the sight of the ocean.

I can't understand what you are going through, but I do hope you know that Finnick and I are here for you. A child is a beautiful thing and I hope that one day you will be able to love another one. Parenthood is everything it's made out to be, but just like everything else in this world, it's deeply flawed. Just like you and me. I hope you can find happiness again.

Sincerely,
Annie

Peeta gently folds the paper and places it on the nightstand. "I'm sure Annie didn't mean to upset you." He tells her as she wipes at her eyes.

"No," she shakes her head. "She didn't upset me. Are you okay?"

He shakes his head. "I guess I just didn't realize how much I was missing out on. The midnight feedings, the diaper changes, just the little things in life."

"What if I told you that I see her at night."

"See who?" He asks her.

"Our daughter. I see her when I close my eyes at night." Katniss watches as Peeta's eyes fills with tears and he places his head on her shoulder.

"What does she look like?" He asks her.

She smiles. "She has your eyes and your smile. A head full of Raven hair, and small baby hands. You would have loved her." Katniss doesn't tell him how real this world is to her, or that this is what she discuses with Dr. Marion. He doesn't need to know that. She lets him believe it's just dreams.

"I know I would have. Next time you see her, tell her that daddy misses her. That I think about her every day. . . that I love her." He tells her and traces his hand along the scar on her stomach.

"I will." She snuggles into his warmth and thinks about the daughter they share, the daughter he will never meet.

A.N. Sorry about any grammer issues I haven't proof read it yet. Hopefully it wasn't too bad. Let me know what you thought in the comments below! Don't forget to ⭐️ it!