Wars Will Rage (SVU Fanfic)

31

Nicole walked out to the waiting area while her parents remained sitting. Dr.Ferest, Nicole's doctor, was sitting behind her desk, across from the couple.

"I'm not worried just yet, but I would like Nicole to start keeping a food log."

"Why?" Olivia asked. "And shouldn't you be telling her this?"

"I don't want to cause a scene with her. She's much more comfortable with you and even her psychiatrist. So he'll bring it up to her. We've been working very closely to help Nicole recover. But I want you to know all the physical health reasons. I don't know much about the mind."

"What's the matter that she needs to use a food log?" Elliot asked the woman.

"She has lost weight since her last visit. Which, I don't think is too terrible just yet. She hasn't lost much. I just want to get in front of this. You say she's eating, correct?"

"How could she lose weight if she is showing signs of depression? Doesn't that cause weight gain? I mean, she is eating. It's not that she's starving herself," Olivia asked.

"It all depends on the person. Nicole may still feel extremely nervous and stressed. And while for some people that causes a weight gain, it can also cause the body to start overworking, which speeds up the metabolism, which would cause weight loss. I don't want to worry you. I just want her to eat enough and the right foods, especially now. If things seem to be going alright, she won't have to do it anymore."

The two nodded and thanked the doctor. They went and gathered Nicole before leaving.

~•~

"Dr.Ferest talked to you about the food log?"

Olivia and Elliot nodded.

"Okay, good. I want her to fill it out every time she eats. We don't care about how much she's eating, just that she's eating. So don't worry about counting calories or measuring out what she's got on her plate," Dr.Kendall said.

"And what if she isn't eating enough?"

"I honestly don't see a problem with her weight loss yet. It was only a few pounds. She's eating."

Olivia was still worried sick about her daughter. The fact that she wasn't mentally okay alone caused her extreme worry. Now Nicole had to worry about journaling what she was eating?!

They called Nicole in and explained to her what she was to do.

"Here," Dr.Kendall said, "I have this little notebook you can use for it."

Nicole took it but didn't look very happy. She made sure the adults in the room knew she wasn't happy about this.

"What are you thinking, Nicole?"

"That this is stupid. I'm eating. I eat every time you guys eat. It's not like I'm starving myself," she said defensively.

"We know that. But you've lost weight. We are trying to figure out where that is coming from. It's not the fault of your own."

"Well I know that," she snapped, taking the small notebook with her when she angrily stomped out of the room.

So for the next couple weeks, Nicole wrote down what she ate everyday. It looked very fake, since the thing was filled with fruits, vegetables and other healthy foods, with some random, very unhealthy thing. But she was truly eating this way.

One night, while she was up eating some ice cream and watching TV in the living room, she heard some commotion.

Instantly drawing to her fingers to her mouth, she put the ice cream container on the cushion next to her and drew the blanket around her.

"Well, El, I don't like it either."

She calmed down a little after hearing her mother's voice.

"I don't think she's okay to-"

"Well ask her. You don't get to make the decision for her."

"Well then what's the point of parents and her psychiatrist if she makes the decision?"

"We have to help her make it but it can't just be us telling her what to do or how to think. Jeez, El. I don't like this situation anymore than you do, but you need to calm down."

The couple continued arguing, and Nicole stayed put, too afraid to head for her room or even to move.

"Well what are we supposed to say when we ship out for the week?"

"I...I'll...Lucy!" Olivia said. "She's gotta watch the baby anyways. She can make sure everything's okay. Nicole can call her for help. And it's not like the twins-"

"The last time we let the twins be in charge, Nicole had to step in anyways, all the way from Jersey! We don't need her dealing with that-"

Nicole never liked hearing the two fight. But ever since the rape, it has hit her harder every time they argued. It occurred to Nicole that the two fought more than a couple should, but it all seemed better compared to her mother fighting with Peter. Still, every little argument they had scared Nicole. And now, the fights seemed to be more frequent.

Olivia and Elliot continued down the stairs to get to the lower level when they saw they're daughter. Both froze, realizing Nicole heard everything. Nicole just sat, equally as frozen, waiting for her own self to burst into flames.

"Nicki..." escaped Olivia's lips, then she instantly ran down to the couch to comfort her daughter. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to hear that, baby!"

Elliot came around and sat on the other side of Nicole.

"What were you guys talking about?" Nicole said nonchalantly.

"1PP is making us go undercover. Cragen tried to talk them out of it but-"

"Go," Nicole said all of a sudden. "Go undercover. It's fine."

Elliot and Olivia both looked at Nicole then at each other. Then back at Nicole.

"Nicole, we don't want to-"

"You can't put your lives on hold for me. I'm fine. Go undercover. If I really need something I'll ask one of the fifty fucking doctors I have to deal with every week. Oh yeah, and I just ate ice cream. Where's that fucking book so I can write it down!"

She quickly got up, leaving the ice cream where it was on the side table, rushing over to the counter in the kitchen. She scribbled "strawberry ice cream" down under what she ate previously that day, then slammed it shut.

"Nic-"

"I'm going to bed," she interrupted, pushing past her parents and directly went to her room.

So after another two hours of arguing, Elliot and Olivia decided to take the job, even though they had no say in the matter. After checking on Nicole and finding her asleep, they went to bed too. But Olivia refused Elliot's touch.