Wars Will Rage (SVU Fanfic)

33

'"I'm not good at talking about myself."

"Well my life is ridiculously boring. You don't wanna hear it."

"How is your life boring?" Nicole asked.

"My parents are divorced and I'm an only child. Well, apparently, my dad got remarried and now I have a baby half-brother but I might as well be an only child."

Nicole was about to ask if he ever saw his dad, but decided against it. Jack would then ask if she saw hers and he didn't need to know about why she didn't. So she nodded in understanding. Then said, "I have a baby half-brother too."

"Really? How old? What's his name?"

"Arron. He's 8 months old. Which is crazy. They grow way too fast. I just realized the other day that he's crawling around everywhere."

"My brother is...I think 11 months? Like I said, I never see him. His name is Logan."

Nicole smiled.

"See? Talking about yourself isn't so hard," Jack noted.

"Well I wasn't really talking about me. More about my family."

"Then talk about your family. You seem to really love them."

Nicole smiled again. "Yeah. I do. My parents got divorced too. I live with my mom. I was born here but she moved to New Jersey for work. Then moved back about...18 months ago? She's a detective."

"That's really cool."

"Yeah. But she's gone a lot. So a lot of the time it was me and my two full siblings, Zach and Paige. But, my mom got a boyfriend and it got pretty serious pretty fast. He has a set of twins. Lizzie and Dickie. And then my mom got pregnant and then Arron was born and he proposed. Which...it seems weird and rushed but...I don't know. They seem way happier than my mom ever was with my dad."

"Full house," Jack commented. "And yeah, maybe, but sometimes, you just know. Like with you."

"What about me?"

"I knew I had to talk to you. Get you to go out with me. I had to."

"I don't see why, still. I'm wrapped up in school work and my siblings."

"I happen to find that attractive. You care so much about them. You're the oldest, right?"

Hoping a blush wasn't coming on, she smiled and said, "Yeah."

"Well you feel like a parent to them. Watching out for them and wanting to protect them. That's great. No wonder you're so busy."

"Yeah, well, I haven't been doing the greatest job at that lately."

"I'm sure they understand," Jack said, and Nicole was forever thankful for what he said, as opposed to asking why.

Nicole looked down. "The twins do. Sometimes. The younger ones know I'm...not in the best state but they don't know specifics. They comfort me more than the twins because they're always arguing now. But...they understand it more. They're going through hard times too."

"A lot is going on with your family. You're merging into a big blended family. It's complicated and everyone will need time to adjust."

"Yeah. It's just taking more time than we all would like."

"You'll get it. It'll be okay soon."

She wasn't sure why, but Jack's words brought a sense of comfort to her. They weren't even on the topic of her rape and coping with it, but it was good to know someone thought things would work out.

"That...that really helps," Nicole admitted to Jack. "Thanks."

"Everyone should have someone to tell you things will work out and you life isn't over yet. I'm glad I got to do it for you."

For the millionth time that afternoon, his words brought a smile to her lips. The same lips, that at the end of their little date, Jack leaned in and kissed.'

Nicole grinned widely as she thought about the previous two hours. He understood her. He thought she was amazing, listening to everything she had to say. He kissed her. She hadn't been kissed in what felt like forever. And...she really liked it.

"Hey, Nicole?!" she heard from outside her room.

"Yeah?" she called, sitting up and then standing.

Olivia popped her head into her daughter's bedroom. "We're home."

"Okay."

"Dinner should be ready in a little bit."

"Cool."

Olivia dismissed herself and let her daughter be. But just like she said, dinner was ready within the next thirty minutes. Nicole grabbed her little notebook and went upstairs along with everyone else. She looked at what was for dinner and opened her book to the day's date. She didn't bring her notebook with her to the frozen yogurt place Jack took Nicole, so she wrote "frozen yogurt" on the first available line and "spaghetti with meatballs" on the next one.

"When did you have frozen yogurt?" Olivia asked, looking over Nicole's shoulder. "I thought you said you went to the movies."

"Uh, it was sold out. We didn't wanna see anything else so we went to the frozen yogurt place instead," Nicole lied.

Olivia could sense Nicole was lying. About what, she wasn't sure. But she was lying.

She chose not to press Nicole about it and gave her daughter her plate full of the delicious pasta.

Nicole ate quickly, but didn't eat all of it. She passed it off as 'she had a lot of frozen yogurt' but it was truly the fact that she still didn't like eating. Just because she had a few hours of fun didn't mean she was healed. She got to forget for a little while. And because of that, her mind didn't tell her she was shouldn't eat. She was normal. Temporarily.

Now? She was back home. She was just Nicole. She was a rape victim. She was damaged and disgusting. So when she got to thinking, Nicole slowed her eating. After a good half a plate, she couldn't take it and stopped completely.

That night, after thinking herself to tears, Nicole shuffled around in bed until she was drowning in blankets. She rolled onto her left side and tried to sleep. Trying so hard that when her phone went off with a notification that a text message had come though, it scared her. And then feeling weak for being startled that she wouldn't read the text.

•••

These last couple of chapters have sucked because I wasn't sure how to get from point A to B, but now I think I've figured it out. So...I'm hoping the next few chapters will pick up again and be waaaay better. Plus, I just came back to school this week from spring break so my life is a little hectic. Anyways, thanks for reading(: