The Journal Of Sara Revol

Entry 8

I understand a little more from before. It's easier to get why I was so bullied it's because I am so useless. The only person that wants me around is E.J. not even Shelby and Johnny want anything to do with me. I see how they feel now. What's it's like to have someone dead to you or at least you dead to them. I still wonder if I did the right thing. 

One of Shelby's friends wasn't doing well with her new boyfriend thinking i could protect her feelings i didn't say anything about her boyfriend not having feelings for her and Shelby got mad. Then I found out a few things. The only person Shelby's ever been with is Johnny and I found out the reason why is he pressured her into it shortly after their sophomore year; on top of this I found out he tried to get back together with his ex while he was with Shelby.

I thought I did the right thing telling Shelby but she then said, "You're being a lying whore."

God she thinks terribly of me. Her and Johnny have even spread rumors about me feeding wildfire. Also, under the breath of one of his friends they all told me to try to die again or that he hates i even exist. My own brother hates me even left the house to me and all of mom and dad's fortunes. Wants nothing to do with the family or my drama because of telling the truth. Is the truth so bad? Is it so hard to believe it! The truth will hurt but damn! I tried to watch you be happy but even I know my brother doesn't deserve after everything I learned.

I miss Shelby. We were so close never kept secrets. Never hide anything from each other. I miss her so much and she thinks I'm a lying whore. She doesn't look at me or acknowledge me I try to say hi and she ignores me. She's always with her man. What the hell ever happened to sister's before Misters. God I've been crying so much about it. E.J. says I shouldn't waste my tears but I trusted her with everything and she ended up being just like everyone else. Dark and soulless underneath a fake smile and burning underneath hatred. Why do I even try?

Knock, knock, knock. E.J. was at the door and rushed by my side to give me a hug; I didn't even realize I was crying again. When he hurled me into his arms I burst out tearing. I was losing everyone but not him he is my rock. I couldn't do anything with out him. It hurts to love when everyone runs.

It's okay though right now I'm only strong because I have to be.