The Journal Of Sara Revol

Entry 4

It's been a few weeks but since I explained my dream I got more visits from Johnny and Shelby. Shelby has been having a hard time at school. She says that she has a problem with a couple of girls at school and the district won't do anything about it. Sounds a lot like the schools in the movies. It shouldn't be that way. Everyone should be equal.

Anyways the doctors started monitoring my dreams. They hook me up to this machine when I sleep. It took a while to get used to and start actually sleeping comfortably. They hook me up to shock wire that measures my heart rate, breathing rate and all other sorts of medical crap. They also put one at the nook of head between my neck and head to measure delta waves in my brain and stuff.

Yeah it took awhile to get settled but I am getting updates on the dreams they have me talking to a shrink and other doctor people about what they mean and all the psychology and medical crap behind it. I don't know exactly what they are talking about half the time but I understand that it could be linked to past memories trying to resurface. I want to remember but at the same time I'm afraid to because I'm not ready to actually feel all of that pain and remember all of her fear just to even leave her room or sleep without a night light.

I kind of understand why they all used to look so sad when I would bring something up from the journals or the strangely frequent hospital visits. I found it was strange how my marks look and the scars on my arm are vertical. I don't want to remember but I feel I need to. Anyways It's getting closer to summer time and Johnny and Shelby are going on a vacation before they start college. Anyways I have been looking through the photo album and other journals that he had given me.

Its sad to see that this father who was so kind when I was younger... I can't believe it for the life of me. My mom though was so kind and sweet to me and Johnny. I wish she was still here it would make this a lot easier. As I start to cry silent tears E.J. walked in. He sat beside my bed.

This is the first I've seen of him since the nightmare... he looked up at me, "Sara the night yiu had a nightmare I was afraid to say something and the day you were almost gone I said it but I don't know if you heard it. I love you but after that kiss awhile ago do you feel the same?"

I sat there and contemplated my situation. I have a strong feeling for him but I don't know if I can classify it as love. After a long silence he kissed me again and again begging me to remember. Then I felt something, saw something a fĺash back.

We are in this house... I can't recognize it but I know I've been there. I was looking at this kid and he looked a lot like he was E.J. but from like my freshman year... we were surrounded by coats and we were kissing. Isn't this a game? Yeah if was but it was happening. I remembered what I hope to god was my first kiss. And my first accident. The grabbing the beating the shaggy blonde hair and brown blank eyes his horrifying smile and his sour hand on my mouth...

I came back from the memory looked at him in tears flying down my face and screaming in gasped sobs, "E.J. I love you too. And please don't leave me alone. I don't want to be alone. HE'LL FIND ME!"

He looked at me and saw fear in me he then noticed I had a memory. He called in the doctors and went searching in my journals for anything he found the night I thought about, HE read that entry and found the tear stained page of what came after our kiss.

He refused to leave my room after all tge drama was over.