Secrets In The Dark

Panic Attack

The streets of Beverly Hills are clean and sophisticated. The people that walk the sidewalks are wearing the best designer clothes and the most expensive jewelry. A few have small dogs as accessories. It's just as every movie has made it out to be.

As you walk with Niall a few photographers run in front and behind you, swirling around like they're sucked in some kind of vortex. They shout and tell you to turn this way and that way. Security shoos them off and they back up a bit. They never leave. As they continue to shout and take photos, you suddenly feel cheap again.

Just as you had in Sandras' office the day you signed the papers for all of this. This wasn't real. The smiles, the laughing with Niall, none of it was the truth. In a sense, you felt like a liar. You weren't lying to the photographers, or the fans, but to yourself. Because for a second you almost believed all of it.

"Kelly?" Niall asks as you snap out of your thoughts.

"Yeah?" You whisper as you look over to him.

His eyebrows are furrowed, there are lines deep in his forehead and his eyes show great concern. You slowly look around and realize that while you were off in your mind, a mob of paparazzi and fans are surrounding you. Security is shouting from every corner and your heart begins to race. You're elbowed, kicked, and pushed as you try to make your way through the crowd. You're not sure if it's on purpose or is only accidental. Frankly, you don't really want to know.

"Stay with me Kelly..." Niall shouts above the mob of teenage girls and older men with cameras.

"Niall..." You whisper as you try to keep a grip on his hand.

"Hold on!" He says as he swerves in and out of the group behind security.

Your hand is growing sweaty and your heart feels like it's about to burst out of your chest. Your throat hurts as you try to contain the tears that are buried deep inside you. You dig your nails into Niall as you try to control your breathing. You feel a sudden rush of absolute panic rush through you and you become paralyzed.

Nialls' hand slips right out of yours and within seconds, the hole where Niall was in front of you is closed by a hoard of people. You stand there in a haze watching people jump up and down, screaming and crying. You've never experienced anything like this before. This was more than you bargained for.

"Kelly! Kelly!" You hear Paul yell in front of you.

You look to him and he's holding out his hand across the crowd. You reach for it and he quickly pulls you to where he is. His big hands grab your shoulder tightly and he pushes through the crowd with you right beside him. He shouts and shoves a few photographers out of the way before finally making it to the car. He opens the door and shoves you in next to Niall.

You sit up properly, put on your belt, and look over to Niall. He's giving you a dark glare and his lips are tightened together. He looks like he's about to rip your head off your shoulders. You take a deep breath and check to make sure that you still have everything on you. You look back to Niall who still has the same look plastered on his face.

"What the hell is your problem?" You ask as you throw your purse to your feet.

"You really want to know what's wrong with me?" Niall shouts as he leans in closer to you.

"Yes!" You shout back furrowing your own eyebrows, just like he has his.

"Well, let me tell you something princess! I almost had my fucking arm ripped off trying to protect you and you let go!" He shouts as his Irish accent grows thicker.

"I'm sorry that I had a panic attack! You don't have to protect me anyways, I can take care of myself!" You shout back pointing your finger towards yourself.

"Oh, that's real cute! You can take care of yourself! Sure, let's throw you back into a crowd of people who want to fucking kill you and see how good that goes! That sounds like a great idea Kelly! I'm sure you would make it out just fine!" He shouts as he takes his seat belt off and leans even closer pointing his finger in your face.

"You're not my boyfriend Niall! You can do whatever the hell you want! I'm not your toy! Besides, we have security to keep me safe okay? So you don't have to worry about protecting me anymore alright? How about instead of being worried about me you worry about yourself, because there is something clearly wrong with you!" You shout as you lean back in your seat and look out the window.

"What the hell does that even mean?" Niall shouts again as he fastens his seatbelt after Paul glares at him through the rearview mirror.

"Be honest Niall. You hate all of this. You thought it was going to be different. If you had a choice you would go back home to Mullingar and be left alone..." You whisper as you continue looking out the window.

The car suddenly grows quiet and all you can hear is the sound of the engine running. You notice that Paul looks back at Niall again through the rearview mirror. You forgot that him and the driver had heard every word that you and Niall threw at one another. You didn't even regret it.

You look back to Niall who has his head in his hands. His dark roots stick out beneath the blonde in between his fingers and his back is moving up and down rapidly. Niall's actually crying. You look back up to Paul who's now looking at you through the rearview mirror. You breathe in softly and lean closer to Niall.

You hesistantly place your hand on his shoulders, curious to know if he would jerk underneath your touch. He doesn't. His back continues to rise and fall and you hear a few muffled sobs come from within him. You lightly rub his back and look back to Paul who isn't watching you guys anymore.

"Niall, I'm sorry..." You whisper.

"No, you're right..." He says as he sits back up in his seat.

His cheeks are bright red and his eyes are gleaming with water. He rubs his eyes with the side of his hand and takes a deep breath. You lean back in your seat and watch him for a few seconds. He cleans himself up with his hands a bit and turns his attention to the drive back to the hotel. You decide to do the same.

As you set your head against the cool glass window and watch as the road carries on, you remember the sudden feeling of panic that you had back in Beverly Hills. That was your first panic attack in years. You used to get them a lot when you were younger, but you had began to grow out of them when you became friends with Audrey. It's like she was the cure to them.

Then you think of the harsh words you had said to Niall. As hurtful as they were, they were true. You knew they were. He had made the comment on the beach about being unsure of how things were. He smiles for the cameras and laughs, but secretly he wishes that he could pack it all up and just go hide. Except, it's not his secret anymore because now you know.

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(P.S. Sorry if this seems like another short chapter! I think that it has a lot of density with it, so I hope that you all don't mind! Enjoy!)