House Number 1402

Don't Touch My Remote

"Ok, you turned her favorite white sundress half red, you put sandwich meat in her pillow case, and you set her alarm for three in the morning. I think you got her back for stealing the remote." Ken said, eyeing me warily.  

"Oh no, she stole the remote, that's super evil. All the things I have done are only mini-evil." I said with a small smile. "It was all leading up to this." I swooped my hand around and pulled the white sheet off the large portrait that was leaning against the kitchen wall.  

Ken and I began laughing the moment the sheet was whipped away. It was a family portrait of me, my mom, and my sister. Elly was only ten in the photo. She had braces, big glasses, and if that wasn't bad enough, she had bangs. 

Elly didn't hate the picture until she turned fourteen. Then, she threw a hissy fit until my mother took it down and stored it in the attic.  

I took it upon myself to climb into the attic and retrieve the masterpiece. I didn't mind it, I looked amazing! 

"This will throw her over the edge. Twice," I laughed.  

"Where are you going to put it?" Ken asked, as she wiped away tears from her eyes.  

"Right there," I said, pointing to the staircase.  

The moment you walked in our front door you had to make a decision. You could either turn left and go into the living room, turn right and head towards the kitchen, or go straight and climb up the stairs. The first thing anyone saw in our house was the stairs, and the perfectly bare wall that sat above. The perfect size for our family photo.  

There was only one problem; it was ridiculously high. No worries though, I got a ladder.  

Earlier that morning, after I had taken Elly to school in my still dented car, I walked over to our neighbors and borrowed a ladder. I explained the exact reason why I wanted it; they now think I'm crazy.  

Totally worth it.  

"Oh, she is going to have a cow!" Ken laughed. "So why am I here?" 

"Other than to be a witness to this brilliance?" I asked rhetorically. "I need you to hold the ladder." 

The ladder that the neighbors gave me was an old one. It was one that didn't open up so that I could do things on my own. I needed a partner in crime, just to hold the ladder. I wanted Ken to do nothing more, I wanted all the credit for this.  

"Alright," she nodded. "What's this for?" Ken held up a small wooden sign that I had made after I retrieved the ladder.  

It read, 'Don't touch my remote."  

"That is to hang above the photo, that way she knows exactly why this is happening to her." 

"Wow Sadie, you are a piece of work," she said with disapproval in her voice.  

"Hey, one day you will need my awesome skills of revenge, so don't go giving me that tone." 

"Whatever, let's just get this done." 

Ken was a really nice person. I was nice, but compared to Ken, I was the devil. She never had any enemies in high school, she was friends with any and every clique that we had, and she never got a single detention.  

I was nice until you pissed me off; end of story. I also always made Ken help me when I was in the mood for revenge. I never gave her big tasks, just enough to humor me and give her a little taste of adventure. 

Together, Ken and I pulled the ladder into position. Then, with a nail between my teeth and a hammer in my hand, I climbed to the top. I picked a random spot on the wall and pounded the nail in.