PURE ➳ everlark

Chapter 2 - Fabrics

Chapter 2 - Fabrics

I'm found a couple hours later in one of the closets I usually hide in when I want to ditch my schedule, or when I've been accompanied by a nightmare. I'm tangled up in soft and rough fabrics, seeing as they're the closest I can come to human comfort. Well, the closest I can come to a specific human's comfort. There's something about them, the thickness of them feels like his weight on top, or beside me. The way they fill up the empty space beside me, behind me, in front of me, under me, on top of me, all around me, feels like his body wrapping around mine, fitting perfectly. Most of them are soft, like his cheeks, some are silky, like his hair, and some are rough like his calloused hands.
They also smell like him - well,  not cinnamon or dill, but comfort, a scent I also tied to him.

If I concentrate enough, I can almost trick myself to believe that these fabrics is one, whole, living, breathing, warm, comforting human, also known as Peeta Mellark.

Which is probably the main reason why I try to - weakly - resist the people pulling me out of my cocoon of comfort. They don't have to fight a lot with me. I may be stubborn, but seeing as I have been crying constantly for the past few hours, my body is both mentally and physically drained. And, if I'm being completely honest, the coats have stopped feeling comforting. They're sticky with my tears, they're cold from the water, and they smell like salt. None of those being things I tie to Peeta Mellark.
There's two people who came to get me. I don't look at them, don't speak to them, don't touch them. All I know is that they're basically doing all the moving for me, each one holding one of my arms up, while I let my feet drag across the floor.

The door to my compartment slides up, and I'm pushed into my mother and Prim's arms.

"Katniss! Katniss, are you okay? We were so worried," Prim asks me frantically, cupping my cheek. "I looked for you everywhere. I think Gale's still out looking for you, actually."

Gale.

I can't help but think how my best friend will react to the news. I know it won't be positive - I told him I never wanted children, and it being Peeta's child will just make it that much worse. He'll feel lied to and betrayed, both emotions that do not mix well with this aggressive nature. And how do I even tell him? How do I even bring it up? To anyone. I know I will never be able to get the sentence out of my mouth. If Peeta was here, it would probably be him announcing it. He'd know exactly what to say to each any everyone that had to know, and he'd know how to handle each different reaction perfectly. But I do not.

"I don't know what to do," I confess, my voice hoarse and raw from crying. "I can't.. I don't know what to do."

"Katniss... You could always-- I mean, I can help you get rid of the baby." My mother looks at me with almost the same amount of pain she looked at me right when my father died. Prim, however, stares terrified at our mother, letting out a high-pitched sound, probably meant to be some kind of statement of disagreement.
"No, Prim. She's right. We're in the middle of a rebellion. I can't be pregnant while doing what Plutarch and Coin want me to do. I can't be the face of the rebellion while I'm pregnant. The child would never be safe. It'd be better for it to just... Not be here, before it develops into an actual human being." I don't know much about how pregnancy works, seeing as we were never really taught a lot about the technicalities in school. But what I do know is that it starts out as just a bunch of cells, which then later develops into a fetus, and then a human. I think.

"Katniss!" Prim all but explodes, (hah) the look of terror merging into anger, a rare, and frankly, quite scary look on my little sister's face. "Katniss, we are talking about murdering a human here! It's a living person! A human! You can't just choose whether that child gets to live or not! It's your own fault it's there, anyway!" It's not hard to tell that she regrets her choice of words, but she stands by them nonetheless, not wanting her pride to be ruined.

"Prim, this child is going to have a terrible life if it's being born right into a rebellion! And with me, of all people, as a mother? That's highly unfair. I just don't want it to have a miserable life!" And then slowly grow to resent me. "And you think not giving it a life at all, is better than a shitty one?" Prim argues, her usual pale face growing red.

"Prim, it's father is dead! You, of all people, should know just how shitty that feels! And you damn well know I can't love something that I have a fear of losing! And how do you think that'll feel, huh? To have a mother who can't love you, and to never get to meet your father? Who's going to love the child? You, Prim? The aunt? Yeah, that's a life everyone would rather live than no life at all, Prim." I'm just as taken aback as the rest of my family by my words. They're insensitive and hurtful, and I instantly feel bad for yelling at Prim, but I need to make her understand what's at stake.
She seems to have completely ignored everything I've just said, though. Her facial expression frozen in both awe and confusion.

"So Peeta's the father, huh?"

"What? I never said--"

"Its father is dead. Sounds a whole lot like one of the only males that has ever been in your life, Katniss."

"I'm-- well..."

"Just admit it!"

My mother, clearly having a hard time handling the thought of Peeta and I, disappears into the bathroom, her hands covering her ears.

"Okay, fine, you got me. It was Peeta. Happy now?" I quirk an eyebrow at her, grateful for her gift for lightening the mood. She smiles, just slightly, and places her hand on my arm.

"Katniss, please, just give it at least a couple days. Don't make quick judgements when you're upset." I sigh, and she drops down beside me. "Why is it so important for you, anyway?" I ask her.
She takes a deep breath. "Because... Because I have a feeling that something might happen soon. Something that'll change everything."

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its my birthday tomorrow (april 6th) and i just thought that this was some very useful information that you needed in your life bye