WHEN WOMEN WERE SUDDENLY SAD, they became cliche with a tub of ice cream and a television screen showing a movie where the woman actually got the man of her dreams. It was quite sad how we put ourselves through such torture when we were already suffering. Not only were our hearts aching from something else, we had to make things worse by watching the best damn couple show off their love on a small screen. We sobbed into our ice cream, giving it a salty taste but our taste buds were also sad and they refused to let us taste a single thing.
Everything shut down once the heart was broken.
I was always careful to keep my feelings to myself but lately? I was failing. I was letting my emotions get to me and because of that, people were suffering. I was suffering. I never knew torture could be so cruel until now. I had never felt this much pain until now. I had been through a lot but nothing ever felt like this. It was a nightmare that refused to end. I did not even feel this way when Elijah died...and that only made me feel ten times worse. I was stupid for believing I could have a chance with Harry. I was stupid for letting him kiss me when I knew there was someone else.
But he had actually kissed me.
His lips were on mine and mine were on his. I would never forget how soft his lips were and how he held onto me as if he never wanted to let me go. I enjoyed every second and I was glad we took advantage of the time we were given. However, the time we were given was too short. I made it too short by realizing what we were doing was wrong. I had possibly ruined our friendship by not pulling away when everything first began...back when my feelings were first developing. If I had stopped myself right then and there, I would not be shoving spoonfuls of cookie dough ice cream into my mouth. As much as I loved ice cream, I was not in the mood to actually enjoy it. If it was able to numb my mouth and the back of my throat from being so cold, it could find its way to my heart—rather than my stomach—and numb it. I needed my heart to be numb. I could not risk anything happening to these people because of my damn feelings.
The kiss was not a simple need like a need for water because I was thirsty or a need for food because I was hungry. This was simply a need for relief. Our feelings had been taped up in boxes for so long and it was finally time for us to start unpacking. Unfortunately, we stopped unpacking not even halfway through. Some of our feelings were still hiding away, afraid to come out. Like us, they were cowards and they wanted to hide away from the surface. It was painful, knowing the feelings were there but nothing could be done. I could try my best to ignore them but it was hard. The heart thumping every time I saw Harry was hard to ignore. The swirly feeling in my stomach every time he spoke was hard to push aside.
I moved the ice cream away from me and picked up the remote to turn off the television. I turned my head to avoid looking at my reflection in the now black screen. I was afraid to look and see who I truly was. I was afraid to look at the woman who fell in love with men who belonged to someone else—who belonged to people like Jillian. I was a woman who showed no respect for others. I attempted to take something that was not mine and failed miserably. I was embarrassed. I had made a complete fool out of myself and there was no one to blame but me. If I had chosen another city to move to or possibly another place to work at, everything would have been fine. Harry would be happy with Jillian and I would be focusing on my life.
My phone vibrated on the other side of the sofa and I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly. I knew Harry was still trying to get in contact with me but I was not ready to talk to him. How was he ready to talk to me? After what had just happened? I wanted to slap some sense into him. He should not be trying to get in contact with me. He had guests over at his house. Instead of texting me, he should have entertained his guests. My phone continued to vibrate and I rolled my eyes. I had not opened a single text message from him and I was not going to. We needed time and he failed to realize that. He was so quick to text me without even wondering if I was perhaps ready to respond.
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Candles
Fanfiction[C O M P L E T E D ✓] They were curious. They both had their own share of secrets. He was a man living in the present. She was a woman living in the past. He was a candle, ready to see everything she was keeping in the dark. And she was the w...
